Let's have a show of hands. Who hates the federal government most?
You, sir?
"My name Dudley Doright and I'm from Gun Sight, Texas. I got here in the Army, got my 20 and been here ever since. I reckon that's been 14 years. I think these feds ought to be put on a bus an' driven right out of the state. Ever' damn one of 'em."
Let's wait until the applause dies down. Now then, who's next? You, ma'am? Just give us your name and how long you've lived in Alaska.
"My name is Lula Belle Bill from Spruce Pine, North Carolina. I came up here with my husband when he got a job working on the pipeline. So I guess I've been here 30 years or more. I think we should send these federals back to Washington, D.C., where I'm sure they could get jobs pushing paper."
More, louder applause. Lots of cheering.
We got time for one more. You, sir? Just give us your name how long you been here, then tell us your opinion.
"I'm not giving you my name. An' I ain't going to tell you how long I ben here neither. The feds are sure to be listenin'. I've lived here five years off the grid and I think we just should start shootin' em. I got the guns and ammo to do the job. Maybe after 30 or 40 of 'em get dead they'll get the message. I'd shoot 'em, then maybe scalp 'em. Or hang 'em up an' skin 'em. Or take that skinnin' knife and …"
Riotous applause. Loud cheering. Fade to black.
Think this actually happened? Well, of course not. But it could, in the future or maybe right now. A lot, a whole lot, of people think that what's wrong with Alaska is the federal government. Why else do you think a newcomer like Dan Sullivan claims to have "fought the Obama administration's dramatic expansion of the federal government into our lives"?
Help me out, Dan. Just what "dramatic expansion of the federal government into our lives" are you talking about? The new veteran's hospital in Anchorage? The new fighter jets in Alaska's skies? The new roads and highways? I guess this is what happens when a guy who just got off the airplane starts spouting nonsense.
Mark Begich's approach seems about as bad. He doesn't spend as much of his time talking about federal overreach, but he does try to keep those federal dollars flowing in. And he's right in there bad-mouthing President Barack Obama, even though Obama once handed the state $900 million-plus in stimulus money. You remember that, Mark, don't you? It was just about the time you started running for the Senate. Short memory, I guess.
The truth is we should hope to God that the federal government never abandons Alaska, taking its money with it. Here are a few facts that might enlighten the people who complain about the feds.
According the UAA Institute of Social and Economic Research, "about one third of the jobs and personal income in Alaska can be traced, directly and indirectly, to all types of federal spending."
Alaskans fared the best of the 50 states, with an average of nearly $18,000 per person in federal domestic spending in 2011. Is all that money the government spends Alaska really federal overreach? Tell that to all the people who would have to leave Alaska if that money disappeared. If there's any overreach, it's the reach into Uncle Sam's pocket.
Look, we don't have that much going for us. We have fewer people than 48 of the states. Sixty percent or more of the land belongs not us but to the people of the United States. Only 40 percent of us voted for Barack Obama.
Take those numbers and roll them around in your head for a little while. Now what do you think? You think that the chest-thumping of politicians here is really going to mean anything out there in the real world? I think a lot of you – including Mark Begich and cheechako Dan Sullivan – should take a step back and think about what might happen here if you piss off the president of the United States.
The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch News, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints. To submit a piece for consideration, e-mail commentary@alaskadispatch.com.
Mike Doogan was a columnist for 13 years for the Anchorage Daily News. He served in the Alaska House of Representatives from 2007 to 2012. He was the Atwood Chair of Journalism at UAA in 2013 and is the author of three mystery novels.