It's summertime. The fish are jumpin', the beer is cold and the boys are back playing ball at Mulcahy.
Let's leave weighty discussions for the fall and talk about something completely frivolous -- like bumper stickers. Most are just good fun but some can get political and downright nasty. There is a fine line at times between humor and ridicule.
For example, I confess to liking the PETA -- People Eating Tasty Animals -- acronym but completely understand that the real PETA -- People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals -- would not be amused.
Somewhat related (and lengthy) is: People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's easier to harangue rich women than motorcycle gangs.
Then there is the fish logo standing for Christianity and belief in God. But I also see bumper stickers with DARWIN inside the fish, which has grown legs. Presumably these are atheists offended by the fish. But last time I checked, Darwin and belief in evolution and God aren't incompatible.
Plenty of parents are proud of their kids on the swim team or honor roll and have a bumper sticker to prove it. Several car owners have a different view, claiming My Dog Is Smarter Than Your Honor Student.
Canine bumper stickers are popular and include: I'm the Lead Dog and You're Not and Lord Help Me be the Person my Dog Thinks I Am. The best is Wag More, Bark Less. It's hard to argue with that. I have yet to see a cat bumper sticker.
Then there is the ubiquitous Alaska Girls Kick Ass. I saw a derivative that said something like Alaska Grandmothers Kick Booty. It was pink. I swear.
An out-of-state bumper had Don't Mess with Texas Women. A lone male driver was in the car. Maybe he had a bad experience(s)?
Life Is Opera. I can imagine seeing this in New York City, but Alaska? Here Fishy, Fishy. Now that's an Alaska bumper sticker!
Speaking of fish, Don't Eat Farmed Fish has a following here. As does Frankenfish. Or how about Friends don't let friends eat farmed fish. Or Salmon Love Wetlands.
One of my favorite stickers was a logo of Wal-Mart with a big slash through it. This "just say no to Wal-Mart" was seen in a Sam's Club parking lot! (Note: Wal-Mart owns Sam's.)
Of course, when Sarah Palin was governor we were the Coldest State with the Hottest Governor. Read My Lipstick was popular. The current governor doesn't quite fit that mold. Quietly competent is no match for the media frenzy that follows Sarah Palin.
On one car I saw a pro-choice Keep Your Hands Off My Body bumper sticker and the peace symbol. Bit of a disconnect?
The Bush-bashing bumper stickers are gone. Although I saw an old War is Not the Answer sticker the other day. I haven't seen many negative Obama stickers. About the only one was How's that hopey changey stuff working out?
Some bumper stickers support Alaska Grown and many Support Our Troops. I've seen several These Colors Don't Run on an American flag backdrop. And then there is You only have the rights you are willing to fight for. Patriotism is alive and well in Alaska.
Then there is the one that just said BLONDE. The only problem is that it was on upside down. OK, it wasn't. I made that up. But I had you there for a second!
Annoy a liberal, think for yourself. It was on a Subaru, of all things!
From the only-in-Alaska category comes Silence is Golden but Duct Tape is Silver.
The proliferation of cell phone-addicted happy drivers has led to Hang Up and Drive. Or how about DNT TXT N DRV.
A particularly satisfied car owner in my neighborhood had this on his back bumper: Business is good, People are wonderful, Life is terrific.
Amen to that, brother.
Jeff Pantages is an investment adviser. He lives in Anchorage.
By JEFF PANTAGES