I'm not a curmudgeon, although this column may sound curmudgeonly. Chalk it up to the fact that I don't ski or snowmachine. Without diversions, I spend all winter noticing things and now need to cleanse my mind of all irritants through a good spring cleaning.
Regarding the recent smoking ban, a radio ad features a local bar owner stating customers used to complain about smoke, but "we were forced to go smokeless because of the ordinance." He adds, "I thought it was the right thing to do" and "it's good for business."
Hold on. Last time I checked no one had been forcing Anchorage bar owners to allow smoking in their bars. It was their choice and the choice of patrons whether to go to a smoking bar. Now courtesy of the smoking ban we have no choice. The nanny state has decided for us.
The next thing you know the government will be deciding what light bulbs we can buy. Oh wait, the feds just did that, didn't they? No more 100-watt incandescent bulbs -- only those horrid (and apparently dangerous) compact fluorescent bulbs will be sold after 2011. Let the hoarding begin!
Speaking of overbearing laws, the IM just won't go away. I thought we had driven a spike through its heart, but lo and behold to renew my car registration I'm required to pass the IM once again. I own a 6-year-old Honda CRV that has 19,000 miles on it. It has now been through the IM inspection twice. Everybody relieved I've again spent $70 proving it isn't a threat to the environment?
I guess some believe that because air quality has gotten better it "proves" the IM works and we need it. Reminds me of elephants in jellybean bowls. Do you know why an elephant paints its toenails different colors? So it can hide in jellybean bowls. Have you ever seen an elephant in a jellybean bowl? You see, it works!
Speaking of invisible things; how about those lane lines? They disappear from roads every winter and we repaint them every summer. Can't we buy better paint? It's dangerous driving down the Seward Highway with no lane lines. It's like playing bumper cars at the state fair.
I go away on vacation and Dan Fagan disappears from the radio. I hope he returns. He stood up to power. He challenged then-Mayor Begich on his Fourth Avenue Theatre deal and expensive labor contracts rammed through just before the mayor became senator. Fagan questioned Lisa Murkowski's land deal on the Kenai and called out Sarah Palin on being ... well ... Sarah Palin!
That's hard to do in a small state where in many cases your livelihood depends on government or powerbrokers. You don't want to bite the hand that feeds you. Say what you like about Fagan, he was fairly fearless and brought up controversial issues that needed airing.
I see where the Planned Parenthood organization in Seattle is suing the state of Alaska over the parental notification initiative that passed last fall. Outside interest groups spent $800,000 to defeat the initiative, five times what proponents spent.
Kids need to get a note from parents for an aspirin at school, yet we would allow them to get an abortion without notifying their parents? I was shocked that the initiative passed with only a 53 percent majority. If we can't at least overwhelmingly agree on this aspect of the abortion debate, what can we agree on?
Meanwhile back in Washington, President Obama is engaged in a kinetic military action. That's what the administration calls the war in Libya. I don't know -- "Make Love Not Kinetic Military Action." It doesn't quite have the same ring as it did in the '60s.
The global war on terror has become an "overseas contingency operation" to prevent "man-made disasters." At the airports we now use "enhanced screening techniques" instead of pat-downs.
Obviously I need some warm weather, a cold beer and baseball. The umps may miss the call, but at least I understand the language.
Jeff Pantages is an investment adviser. He lives in Anchorage.
By JEFF PANTAGES