OPINION: If elections are going to be this unpleasant, let’s make campaigns pay

I’m on the five-year plan for colonoscopies. The doc keeps finding small polyps that he cuts out and so he tells me to keep coming back to avoid a worse fate. As uncomfortable as it is, at least the prep work for that is brief and painless compared to the agonizingly long and tortuous presidential elections that come every four years.

Something is wrong with politics when I dread elections more than colonoscopies.

Yes, the voting is over. Whether happy over the results or depressed and in a daze, it will not be long before the next campaign starts up. Which means we need to get started now on making elections less stressful, less dishonest and better for our health. Think of it as painless, non-invasive prep work for a medical exam.

It’s probably illegal to ban social media advertising by political campaigns, prohibit junk mail and outlaw misleading speeches and false promises. And it’s probably impossible to police every false claim, fake video and dishonest statement posted, shared and circulated.

And even if Elon Musk took off for Mars next week, he would still find a way to beam back messages more dangerous than a self-driving Tesla in heavy traffic.

Yet maybe there are some answers. We have to try; the country cannot go through this again in four years.

Part of the problem is that there are so many ultra-wealthy Americans eager to write multimillion-dollar checks to promote their favorite candidates and causes. All that money pollutes the public discussion, drowning out everyone else. If we can’t get our elected leaders to pass laws limiting donations, let’s at least get something good out of those deep pockets. For every dollar a megadonor gives to a candidate or cause, they should have to donate an equal amount to their local food bank, neighborhood health clinic or child care center.

It’s not a tax; think of it as a mandatory matching pledge drive.

And for every junk mailer that a campaign or political action committee sends out, its volunteers would have to donate an hour of work cleaning up litter around their community.

For every abrasive, dishonest and manipulative social media post put up by a campaign, they would have to volunteer as a tutor at their local schools, helping to teach grammar, spelling and punctuation.

For every big political rally that demands attention from first responders who already are busy enough, a campaign would need to buy a new fire truck or ambulance for the local department. For even bigger rallies, the campaign would be required to build a new fire hall.

Let’s make it personal, too.

Every time a candidate hurls out a childish insult or resorts to name-calling, they would have to spend a day back in kindergarten — clearly, they failed the class on appropriate behavior the first time.

Every time a candidate threatens a political opponent, they would need to attend an anger-management class or community relationship-building session to learn to love their neighbor, or at least not to vilify their neighbor.

And every time a candidate says, “I promise,” they should be required to put it in writing, sign their name and pay for an insurance policy that pays off to the American public when they fail to honor their promise.

Putting a price on dishonesty may be the only way to stop it.

Larry Persily is a longtime Alaska journalist, with breaks for federal, state and municipal public policy work in Alaska and Washington, D.C. He lives in Anchorage and is publisher of the Wrangell Sentinel weekly newspaper.

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