Reason to resist: ‘MeToo’ keeps secrets from festering

Now I understand. I know why people protest, why they fight against this or that. I've often stood back and thought it futile to go up against "the man" or an institution. Especially when I have experienced the discontentment it brings. I've seen agitated energy seep from the pores of friends and acquaintances as they speak through Facebook videos, or share posts and memes, trying to get people to see. I, too, used to hit issues head-on with a raised fist. Over time I came to believe that strategy was useless. But I am reminded, again, why people resist.

The law of attraction says that what we resist persists, because we hold it in our consciousness. I don't want to do that. There are some things I would rather not dwell on. I have been looking at a subject for several months now, wondering what to do about it. As much as I'd rather not think about certain topics, it's hard to ignore when it shows up on your doorstep. And I'm not sure that just thinking positively will make it go away.

I wrote an article a few months ago about secrets that keep us sick, and the prevalence of abuse in rural communities. I didn't know it then, but sexual abuse has become a much-discussed topic, from the backwoods all the way to Hollywood. We're probably all getting sick of hearing about it and seeing it in the news. I know I am. But there is power in the many voices (more than I ever imagined) who are saying, "Me too."

It's something that has affected numerous individuals, and society as a whole. We are in a time of change. Old paradigms are crumbling. They wouldn't break down, I don't imagine, if there weren't people willing to resist. If people never questioned, or spoke up, we would still be living in the past. And can we please be honest for a moment? The past wasn't always perfect. But how do we move into a more perfect future without tearing up the foundations we stand on? That is the challenge that many are facing.

[#MeToo: Alaska police veteran tells her story]

How do we make peace with the history of abuse in our families or communities? It's one thing to add to the chorus of voices saying, "It happened to me too!" But it's difficult to know what to do next. Many people are wondering if we should call out the pedophiles of the past. Me too. I wonder what to do.

It wouldn't bother me so much if those unnamed individuals just quietly (or honestly) lived their lives, doing no further harm. I believe in forgiveness. But when they prop themselves up as spiritual, cultural, or political leaders, and are admired by young activists to heads of universities, it is an extreme invalidation to the broken individuals left on the trail behind them, and the height of hypocrisy. It makes me want to rise up and call them out by name. But it's not my story to tell, so I won't. At least not in a public way. We can and should tell the truth to those who have ears to hear. Speak the names of the abuser. Whisper if you have to, shout only if you're prepared for the backlash. Either way, it's OK to get the word out.

I know a man who likes to be in the public eye. He is considered by many to be a revered leader. He talks about sacred things, but he does not walk the talk. He is full of secrets that he has never reconciled with his victims, or perhaps anyone. It is truly disheartening to know that this "dignitary" is wearing nothing but dirty skivvies, while others look at him adoringly. One bad apple spoils the whole bunch, and his presence on the stage of community wellness is undermining the good work done by those who do walk a sacred path and devote their lives to the wellbeing of their families and communities. Our sexuality is sacred. It is the seat of our power as human beings, and when it is messed with by power-hungry or confused individuals it is extremely damaging. If it has to be kept a secret, it is not sacred.

Many people have been coming to me lately, wondering what to do with the secrets they carry, of their past abuse. Should they report it? Will there be retaliation? I tell them to make their own healing a priority. It can be infuriating to see others believe the lies of a past (or present) child molester, but not everyone will support you if you share your truth publicly. That is an unfortunate fact. People will accept all sorts of indiscretions if it fits their agenda. We cannot control that.

[#MeToo is back for good reason]

For those grappling with what to do with the truth, the bottom line is this: Tell your stories to those who have ears to hear, as many times as necessary, until you are no longer carrying his (or her) sick secret. Set yourself free, first, and then decide if you want to seek justice. Take your time and think it through. Alaska has no statute of limitations for felony sexual abuse.

Chantelle Pence is the author of "Homestead Girl: The View From Here." She divides her time between Anchorage and Chistochina.

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