Dear Wayne and Wanda,
My son is moving halfway across the country to be with a girl, and I think he is making a huge mistake. This girl is not good enough for him. I know every mother thinks that about her son's girlfriend but I really mean it. I have only met her a couple times, but I can tell you she is fake from head to toe and I don't trust her. She has two kids and they live with their father in a different state which is just weird to me. They have only been dating for a year and she is moving to Atlanta for a job and he is going with her, even though he has a good job here and nothing lined up there.
I know you will probably tell me there is nothing I can do, but if there is anything I can do please tell me because this is breaking my heart. I hate to see him go and I hate for him to waste time on this floozy of a woman.
-- One Sad Mama
Wayne says,
Sorry Sad Mama, but I guess you skipped the later chapters of your "Mom's Guide to Raising a Son:" it clearly reads that it's a rite of passage for a young man to lose his mind and chase a hot woman halfway across the country.
If it's any consolation, you've got it better than many miserable moms -- some of their boys follow women halfway across the world, to foreign countries, where the Internet and phone service is horrible and water and crime is even worse.
As you know by now, boys are crazy. Boys with wild women in their lives are even crazier. And you're right: there really isn't much you can do in this situation. He thinks he's in love. He thinks she's amazing. He thinks he will die without her. And he isn't going to let anything -- his mom or common sense -- stop him from being with her.
So I would just suggest that you make it clear to him that you love him and want him to be safe ... then try your best to let go. This is an experience he has to go through. If it works out, maybe you'll be mildly surprised that his lover isn't just a gold-digging baby mama. More than likely, though, he will be crashing on your couch within a year as he tries to piece his heart and life back together.
Well Mama, I gotta cut this short. The love of Wayne's life is talking about moving to South America, and I've gotta put my laptop on Craigslist and cash in all my Alaska Airlines miles. Good luck!
Wanda says,
Wayne's moving to South America? Woo-hoo! Er ...I mean ... good luck to you, buddy. We will, uh, miss you around here. Ahem.
Sad Mama, I cannot speak as someone who has had a full-grown son move away for the wrong reasons. But I can speak as someone who did pretty much the same thing to my own parents, poor souls. And I can tell you one thing: The more they objected, the more I wanted to hit the road. I was young and impetuous and I knew everything, and they weren't the bosses of me anymore, darn it. It wasn't until I moved 3,000 miles from home that I realized my folks weren't so dumb after all. I missed them like crazy. Now, wouldn't you know it, they're my best friends.
But you asked us what, if anything, you could do. You know you can't stop him from traipsing off to Georgia (the state motto of which, ironically, is "Wisdom, Justice, Moderation"). All you can do is be a great mom. Support him and make sure he knows you love him and you're there for him no matter what -- even if, as Wayne predicts, he will most likely be sobbing on your couch within a year.
And be nice to his girlfriend. You may have your reservations, but she must have enough redeeming qualities for your son to love her.
• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.