Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I'm a man in my early 30s and a lifelong Alaskan. I have a nice condo and a good job that requires intelligence. I love to travel the world and I have many interesting and unique friends. I'm fun, tall, reasonably attractive and in good enough shape to have finished a marathon.
I also can't find a mutually interested, potential girlfriend here to save my life. I have many attractive female friends, but I'm the king of getting "friend-listed" and I've stopped counting the rejections ("I like you, but not like that ..."). None of them have any advice for what I'm doing wrong. I've tried Internet dating too.
When I travel overseas or even to the Lower 48, I never have any problems! I'm naturally a romantic optimist, but here in Alaska I'm on the verge of becoming a misogynist and I hate that thought! I've found Alaska a very hard place to develop confidence as a man. My last serious relationship ended four years ago.
I've written a resignation letter to my job and I'm literally two weeks away from moving away from a state I love because I am lonely for long-term intimacy and I can't seem to find it here. It feels like Alaska women have priced themselves out of the market.
What gives?!
-- Clueless Alaskan Man
Wayne says,
All this and humble, too!
So you're throwing in the towel, uprooting your life, leaving your job and putting the condo for sale in this terrible market because you can't find a girlfriend here? Before you rent the U-Haul, stop and take a look around -- notice all those couples? Relationships happen all the time in Alaska. Good ones, even. One can happen for you.
But first you have to consider that this probably isn't a woman problem -- it's a you problem. Maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself and your dates. Maybe you're more relaxed and approachable when you're vacationing. Maybe you think a little too highly of yourself. Maybe you're too picky. Maybe you put on a little too much Axe body spray.
Yeah, that's a lot of maybes, and I'm thinking that maybe your issue is a combination of many of those maybes (not entirely sure about the Axe, though). If you love your Alaska life and are serious about landing in a long-term relationship here, save the money it would take to move and hire a local dating coach. Seriously, they exist and will provide truthful, top-to-bottom assessments of image, attitude and dateability. They'll also do some matchmaking for you.
It sounds like you're a man on a mission. To accomplish it, you must first take an exploration of yourself. If you survive that, landing a lady will be easy.
Wanda says,
Wow, Wayne. You sound so logical! So thoughtful! So ... like me! I'm having a hard time remembering the last time I agreed with you more.
Without knowing you, Clueless, it's hard to say what factor (or combination thereof) is keeping you from meeting Ms. Right here in Alaska. If we met, I could probably pinpoint it in less than half an hour. Are you too eager? Too full of yourself? Does your breath stink?
Whatever it is, your friends have been too nice to share with you so far. Can you take the heat? Then appeal to a few people you trust, one more time, to give you an honest assessment. Give them a day or two to think about it and assure them that no matter what they say, you won't take it personally and you'll only be grateful.
Then hear them out. Whatever it is, I can pretty much guarantee that you won't like it. You'll get defensive and you'll want to blame it on the ladies for not loving you the way you are. You'll want to tell all those Alaska women to go jump in a (frozen) lake.
But you'll be doing yourself a disservice. I've said it before: You have very little to lose by being introspective. Take stock and see where you can make changes, then follow through. Talk to friends, a therapist and yes, even a dating coach. Only positive things will come of it.
But if we're too late -- best of luck in the Lower 48! At least down there it's a bigger pool. But if I were you, I wouldn't give up swimming in those glacial waters just yet.
• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.