Dear Wanda and Wayne,
I hate hockey, but my boyfriend loves it. For three winters I've been going to games with him. We never miss an Aces game and go to some UAA games too. Now we're starting a new hockey season and I'm already fed up.
At first I tried to like hockey, but it's just not interesting to me. I don't like sports. Lately I just get annoyed and spend most of the games playing on my iPhone. It's usually so loud that I hang out in the beer garden, which my boyfriend isn't very happy about, but oh well. All his buddies bring their girlfriends and he wants me to come too.
My big issue is that the hockey season is so long. I hate giving up most of my weekends every winter to go to games I can't stand. I'd prefer to spend time with other friends, go out to a restaurant on a Friday night, or just hang out at home and watch movies. But I love him and the games mean a lot to him. He thinks that going to the Aces is quality time with me.
How do I get out of going to every hockey game without upsetting him? Do you think there is any way I can get him to skip a game or two this winter to try something fun and different with me?
-- What The Puck?
Wanda says,
If I were to date a guy who was into snowboarding, he would have to accept the fact that snowboarding is not my thing. Same with poker, or car racing, or comic books. No offense to the people who like those things, it's not personal. I don't expect everyone to like nineteenth-century novels, golden retriever puppies and "This is Spinal Tap."
You are not going to have everything in common with your partner. Separate and distinct interests are actually a good thing; they give relationships depth. Your boyfriend needs to understand that hockey games are not "quality time" when you're suffering through them for his sake. He can go with his friends. It's totally unreasonable to expect you to attend every game when you'd always rather be doing something else.
Tell your boyfriend it's not personal, but that you'd rather not go to hockey games anymore. Or that for every game you go to, he owes you a night of something else (lady's choice). Hopefully he will see that fair is fair, and that just because you don't love hockey doesn't mean you don't love him.
Wayne says,
An epic face-off! A relationship on ice! They are dropping the gloves folks!
Ahem ...
Clearly your boyfriend has taken a few too many pucks to the dome if he continues to drag you to games. Only one kind of fan is more annoying at a game than a wingman who plays "Bejeweled 2" from a $30 center ice seat while drinking $9 beers all night. That would be a face painter. I'm guessing your BF isn't one of those or you would have written an entirely different letter.
Your romantic rink rat can't explain it, but he simply wants to have his two favorite things - you and hockey -- at once. Take it as a compliment and say thanks. Then tell him it's time to talk ...
A coach once told me that communication is the key to successful teamwork. Sure, we were 0-13 at the time in the Abbott-O-Rabbit Little League, but the statement continues to ring true for me in sports and love. It will for you too.
Next Thursday when fanboy is polishing his cowbell in preparation for a weekend of pucks, call a timeout and huddle up. Explain that you love him, but you don't love hockey. Tell him that because you love him and hockey night is important to him, you will attend four games per month for the extent of the season. The other nights are yours, whether that's sitting at home, knitting with the gals or meeting him and the gang for post-game dinner. He'll bite -- he doesn't want to lose you or hockey.
Just pray the Aces don't make another long playoff run. No worries about the Seawolves - they won't survive the first round.
She shoots, she scores!
• Wanda is a wise person who has loved, lost and been to therapy. Wayne is a wise guy who has no use for therapy. Send them your questions and thoughts at wanda@adn.com.