Dear Wayne and Wanda,
There's a girl I've been dating for a couple months. So far it's been fun, but we're just getting to know each other.
I have a big family here, but she moved up here just before we started dating and she doesn't know a lot of people yet.
Should I invite her to my family's Thanksgiving? There's going to be a ton of people there, friends and family. But I don't want her to get the wrong idea and think I'm super serious about her. I like her, but that's not where I'm at right now. On the other hand I'm worried she's expecting me to and it's making me feel awkward not to address it.
Wayne says:
This will print a day after you somehow solved your own problem (or didn't), but no doubt others are wondering how to manage newish relationships in the face of holiday parties, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, New Year's, etc. Here's our take on how you should have handled turkey day:
She's your friend. She's your girlfriend. She has nowhere else to go. Of course you invite her to the party, you drumstick! It's Thanksgiving, for goodness sake! You know, a time to take care of others and be thankful for what you have. And it sounds like you've got it pretty darn good.
Unless she's as uptight as you are, she won't need a party baby sitter. I'm sure she will be happy to meet new people and break bread with folks who are important to you. And I'm also sure she'll appreciate the opportunity to be around people on a family-focused holiday when she's far away from her own clan.
But this isn't about her; it's about you. So tell me, turkey, what's going to be more awkward for you: Introducing your girlfriend of a couple months to your friends and family? Or telling your girlfriend of a couple months that you'd rather she sit out on the big party that everyone else you know is going to?
If you don't invite her, or if you really aren't that into her, you might as well make it really, really awkward and dump her. Because if you don't invite her to this party, she's going to move on from you faster than the flatscreens sell out on Black Friday.
Wanda says:
In my family, holidays were a big deal: an important and unique time when all of us enjoyed rare togetherness and celebrated our own special traditions and each other. It certainly wasn't a time to bring around buddies, friends of friends or some random we had been dating for all of two months.
Should you invite her? No! The fact that she is new to the area and homeless for the holiday isn't your problem, or your family's. You don't want to tip the scales on the harmony of family time to placate and feed some chick who may or may not be part of the picture come next week or month. If you do, here's what you risk: Rather than the family sharing happy memories and inside jokes, you'll spend the night playing historical tour guide and fretting over whether your casual cohort is having any fun at all.
Introducing a new partner to your family is a big deal, not to be rushed, and to be done when the time is right. Don't jump the gun just because you happened to start dating her in autumn versus spring. Enjoy the special day with your family, and meet your lady later for a cocktail. Bring her a turkey sandwich for good measure.
Want to respond to a recent column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom regarding your love life? Give them a shout at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.