With hackers cracking the infidelity-enabling website Ashley Madison, would-be and actual cheaters are quaking in their boots. Now on multiple sites, one can simply enter an email address to see if a person signed up for an account on the cheating center. And while Alaska boasts two of the only three USA zip codes without a known AM subscriber, that still means 271 zip codes in AK have one or more people who signed up for a potential extracurricular fling. Unsurprisingly, we heard from a few folks regarding the hack.
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Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I signed up for an Ashley Madison account one night because I was bored, my wife was pregnant and not interested in sex, and I was tired of looking at porn. But I got cold feet and never did anything after signing up, and I still have never cheated on my wife. Now I'm afraid she will find out I had an account. Should I come clean before she busts me? I don't think she will believe nothing happened.
Wanda says:
Confess. Your saving grace is that you were physically faithful. But don't expect that to be reassuring to her. You laid the groundwork for an affair and she will likely focus on that and likely feel betrayed. You're going to need to be frank about why you were emotionally straying. Be honest. Use this as a chance to strengthen your marriage.
Wayne says:
How's that for a baby shower surprise? I almost-almost cheated on your mommy but totally didn't. Seriously! I swear on my first born! Yeah, good luck with that. But Wanda's right, as always -- you need to start digging yourself out of this one mess instead of falling in deeper or wishing it goes away. Good luck with that.
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Dear Wayne and Wanda,
I was entering different people's emails into an Ashley Madison search site, and I found my ex-boyfriend's fiancé had an account. She's a corporate type -- career-focused, always tan with her nails done and hair perfect, super successful, and I've never liked her and always wanted to get my ex back. I would love to out her and take down their relationship. Bad idea?
Wanda says:
Enticing to topple your nemesis and mend your ex's broken heart? Sure, I get the allure. But don't do it. It's none of your business. Plus there's no guarantee that your ex would get back with you if he was single. Sounds like you need to move on -- and perhaps sign up for an account on Match.com.
Wayne says:
Yes, bad idea. Really bad idea. And you wonder why you're an ex-girlfriend! Cyberstalking. Obsessing. Plotting your rival's downfall. Planning your triumphant return. How about you let his soon-to-be-next-ex-girlfriend hang herself out to dry on this one and you back away from the keyboard and get your life together?
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Dear Wayne and Wanda,
This Ashley Madison hack is whack. Why are so many people cheating on their partners? I mean, is there any hope for humanity?
Wanda says:
Some people cheat because they're emotionally unhappy. Others do it because they're physically unfulfilled. Some are just narcissistic egomaniacs who collect lovers like firewood to stoke the fires of their own gluttonous egos. And some claim to prefer lovers who are married because there is less risk of attachment.
Whatever the reason, the common denominator in folks who are unfaithful is they all make that choice. Emotionally or physically cheating is not a whoops, like spilling a glass of wine or backing a car into a garage door.
Wayne says:
Amen! And the scary part is that the many millions (yes, many millions!) of cheaters who were busted on Ashley Madison probably make up just a sliver of straying spouses and partners out there. So who can you trust anymore? Well, that's the thing about life: We are betrayed and get our hearts broken. People we love hurt us. Pets and friends run away. Heck, websites for cheaters even stab their subscribers in the back! And yeah, that hurts really really bad.
But another thing about life is that love is the most awesome thing ever! So it would be a real shame if any of us became so jaded or scared to trust others that we locked away our hearts just because a whole bunch of sorry, weak, heartless clowns made headlines? Lead with your heart! There are still good people out there who are true to their word and their partners.
Want to respond to a recent column, point out a dating trend, or ask Wanda and Wayne for wisdom regarding your love life? Give them a shout at wanda@alaskadispatch.com.