Mother's Day is Sunday. Some famous celebrity or politician will no doubt receive the "Mother of the Year" designation for doing it all: raising kids, having a successful marriage and noteworthy career (outside the home, of course) and being just plain "wonderful."
I'd like to put in a good word for the mothers in my life who, while perhaps not famous, probably better represent mothers across the country.
My grandmother was born in 1902. She raised two girls by herself, having lost her husband to tuberculosis early in life. She went to work as the office manager in the local hospital to support the family.
I lived with her during my college years. She would tell me how she would train men and watch them get promoted, while she remained in the same job for decades. It burned her up, but she was still a happy person, amazed at rising living standards and the technological changes she saw in her life. She really couldn't believe a man landed on the moon in 1969.
My mother and father divorced when I was young, and my mom took a job as a teacher deep in the interior of British Columbia. My brother and I grew up in a small duplex apartment, which later became a massage parlor, much to my amusement.
My mother was only 5 feet tall, but she was a fighter. She always stuck up for the "little guy". She was a big supporter of the teachers' union and a member of the New Democratic Party -- a socialist organization.
I recall one Halloween night being roughed up by the police for letting off some firecrackers. When she heard of this, she marched me down to the police station and stood toe to toe with a 6-foot Mountie, telling him off for "abusing" her teenage son.
Sadly, my mother was not as happy as my grandmother. I think the divorce hurt her and she felt life had dealt her, and other members of society, an unfair hand.
My wife has spent most of her time as a "homemaker." We both worked early on in our marriage, but when children came it quickly seemed to make sense for one of us to stay at home.
Homemakers are undervalued and underappreciated. My wife has had to endure questions like "just what do you do all day" from some insensitive men working 9-to-5 jobs. Her job has been 24/7 for years.
Analysts have tried to put a value on "keeping house" and have come up with figures just short of $100,000 per year. It includes cooking, cleaning, driving, child care, laundry, etc.
But the real value is being there for the children and the spouse. My wife liked to drive the kids places, as they couldn't escape "the conversation" once they were belted in the car. Still, she always said you have to be there for kids when they want to talk. You don't get to choose the moment. I recall many midnight conversations between her and our children.
Our kids liked music and some lyrics were awful. But rather than just ban some songs, she simply asked they read them to her out loud. If they could do that, then they could buy the song. Problem solved. They were too embarrassed to go down that road!
Raising a family, instilling values, providing unconditional love, but tough love at times, being a sounding board and the family psychologist have been part of the job description for her and countless other moms.
There are millions of mothers in this country who deserve recognition this Sunday. It is a tough job that often requires much juggling and anguish. Husbands and children should treat mom to at least this day off. The whole day -- a card isn't enough!
Jeff Pantages lives in Anchorage.
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