Imagine my shock at the headline: "Walker, Mallott Form Union Ticket to Oppose Parnell." Holy cow! I thought. Finally, the unvarnished truth about this latest bit of cheesy political legerdemain and, boy, are the union guys going to be ticked off.
Ah, but, alas, no. On second reading, the headline actually said, "Unity," not "Union." So much for the bald truth in this brave new world of rank political chicanery that for the first time in Alaska's voting history leaves Democrats off the gubernatorial ballot.
It turns out Byron Mallott, the Democrats' gubernatorial darling, abandoned his primary election victory to join Republican-cum-independent-cum-undeclared Bill Walker -- a serial opportunist who ran in no primary -- to challenge incumbent Republican Gov. Sean Parnell.
Pollsters contend Parnell would have clobbered either of them in a three-way race. But in a two-way contest? Maybe not so much. Then, there was the AFL-CIO's Vince Beltrami calling the shots, warning the duo to team up or there would be no campaign cash because winning is more important than silly principles. That got their attention.
They dutifully ditched their running mates -- Democrat Hollis French and independent Craig Fleener -- to do as they were told. That left the rest of us to wonder what their hapless sidekicks were promised to go quietly into the night. Attorney general? Fish and Game commissioner?
Is this just another example of politics gone cynically wrong? Nah. It is crass expediency fired by desperation. When you consider the Alaska Democratic Party State Central Committee's 89-2 vote approving the new ticket, it's easy to suspect Mark Begich's paw prints were all over this deal. What a nifty way to generate truckloads of union dough and Democratic interest in the gubernatorial race in November, interest and turnout that hopefully will bolster Begich's campaign. After all, for Democrats -- angry or not -- and those who detest Parnell, the Walker-Mallott ticket really is the only game in town.
The deal leaves Mallott and Walker -- a one-trick pony whose answer always is to build a gas line his way -- as best pals, peas in a pod. They even have agreed on how they will govern, if they win. They were of like minds in the recent oil tax repeal fight, wanting to return to the miserably failed Alaska's Clear and Equitable Share oil tax -- idiocy a majority of voters rejected. Matchmaker Begich, you will recall, never publicly took a position. Certainly, Democrats share Walker's view -- Wally Hickel's, actually -- of wielding government as a blunt instrument, and they share Walker's animosity for the oil industry.
Surely, a staunch fiscal conservative, as Walker claims to be, will get along famously with a liberal Democrat. Surely, Mallott et al., can forgive Walker's abortion stance and his promised penny-pinching and his stand on dope. Surely, they will forgive his Republican peccadilloes and predilection to have the state charge ahead with a gas line even if nobody else is foolish enough to invest $65 billion before such a project is deemed feasible. He sees it as a "mistake" to wait for the state's contractual partners. Really? What possibly could go wrong?
Nonetheless, the two promise a bipartisan, even nonpartisan and -- wait for it -- inclusive administration. Their description reeks of shared-power "kumbayaism." Do they think Alaskans are ninnies, or what? Such an administration would devour itself. With two leaders pulling in opposite directions, it would implode. There would be a liberal social agenda and a fiscal plan -- and never the twain would meet.
The marriage is a pitiful sham, a path to power Democrats never could win alone in an election. To pull it off, the left is willing to abandon all pretense and abuse the process.
Who loses in this underhanded deal? For starters, Democrats disenfranchised after voting in the primary and who now get to vote for a Republican. Then, there are Natives who voted for Mallott for the top spot only to find him ignoring their vote and settling for second spot on a piecemeal ticket. Also on the lengthy list, Republicans who had hoped to vote for Walker as an independent and now get to vote for a Democrat as well -- and anybody who voted in the primary for Mallott's running mate.
Add to that, the rest of Alaska, which now boasts a political system that exists for the convenience of power-hungry, desperate politicians and union bosses. Just think, it was not too long ago that self-righteous Democrats were trying to recall Lindsey Holmes for simply switching her party affiliation. Now look.
It must be embarrassing to be a Democrat nowadays.
Paul Jenkins is editor of the AnchorageDailyPlanet.com, a division of Porcaro Communications.
The views expressed here are the writer's own and are not necessarily endorsed by Alaska Dispatch News, which welcomes a broad range of viewpoints. To submit a piece for consideration, e-mail commentary(at)alaskadispatch.com