In an effort to hype its phony reality TV show "Ultimate Survival Alaska,'' the National Geographic Channel has come up with a nifty list of nine of the 10 accidents least likely to kill people in the 49th state.
Only it isn't packaging these minimal risk dangers in that way. Oh no. The channel's website is hyping "10 Ways to Die in Alaska,'' noting the state's tragically high accidental death rate.
"Alaska's rate of 49 accidental deaths per 100,000 inhabitants is 20 percent higher than the national average,'' says its website. "That's not too surprising, considering that the northernmost state has so many natural hazards — steep mountain gorges, icy rivers and streams, sometimes treacherous roads, hungry bears and massive moose, and remote areas where it's hard to get help if you're injured or run out of food and water. And if those risks aren't intimidating enough, there's the danger of an avalanche, or the remote chance of a volcanic eruption or a massive earthquake."
The first sentence is true. The second is a crazy mixture of facts and make believe.
The state of Alaska tracks accidental deaths closely and regularly releases Alaska Surveillance Injury Reports. The latest such report, like those before it, shows that Alaska has an inflated accident death rate -- not because of the topography or its animals but because of the big ocean off its shores and the jobs people do in the state.
Deadliest fisheries
"Alaska sees a high rate of participation in the fisheries, which has by far the highest fatal injury rate of any occupation in the nation,'' the report says. Fisheries vary in the degree of danger, with the Bering Sea and Aleutian Islands trawl and crab fisheries competing for the claim of being the Deadliest Catch,'' says the most recent report issued in 2011.
"Deadliest Catch,'' as most Alaskans know, is another reality TV show which appears on the Discovery Channel, a National Geo competitor. "Deadliest Catch" should probably be the show coming up with the list of 10 Ways to Die in Alaska.
Among them: falling overboard, getting swept off the deck by wave, suffering a fatal injury from flying gear, drowning after becoming tangled in crab pot lines, going down with the ship.
But it's not just fishing driving up the accident rate in the 49th state. As the state report notes, "Alaska along with Montana and Wyoming lead the nation in accidental occupational death rates, usually scoring 10-15 annual deaths per 100,000 full-time equivalent workers compared to a national occupational death rate around four per 100,000 FTEs.
Dangerous jobs
"Oil extraction, mining, and construction are all high-risk occupations that account for a significant share of employment in these states.''
The deadly dangers listed by National Geo -- plunging through thin ice, bear attacks, crevasse falls, hypothermia, avalanches, mountaineering, starvation, natural disasters, moose encounters and all-terrain-vehicle accident -- are all so rare that only one of them shows up in the state injury report.
ATV accidents are in the report along with snowmobile accidents.
How Nat Geo missed the danger inherent in one of Alaska's most popular winter sports is hard to tell, but maybe it has something to do with National Geo only coming north to film its show in the summer because filming in the winter is far more difficult, not to mention far more dangerous.
And the show is largely about making it look like you could die in Alaska, though the producers go to great lengths to make sure no one dies. Participants in "Ultimate Survival," unlike real Alaskans, are protected by highly paid, highly trained "safety teams.''
Some former Alaska pararescuemen from the Alaska Air National Guard's 210th Rescue Squadron work for or have worked for "Ultimate Survival." These are men who cut their teeth on real-world rescues who are now overseeing some actors to make sure the actors don't get hurt.
Some Alaska climbing guides are also involved in this work. As Rob Gowler, who has worked for the Alaska Mountaineering School in Talkeetna, confessed to Popular Mechanics magazine, the so-called reality shows go to great lengths, including having rescue helicopters on standby, to make sure that even if someone does somehow get hurt, no one dies.
'How real is that?'
Reporter Jerry Beilinson asked Gowler this question: "At times, cast members truly seem to be in serious trouble: dehydrated, hungry, exhausted. How real is that?"
Here's what Gowler said:
"Oh, yeah, they're suffering for sure. That's very real. We'll be having a hard enough time keeping the crew healthy in a tropical or alpine setting . . . and the cast members maybe haven't had anything to eat or drink in more than a day. It's incredible that they keep going. One of the toughest things for the cast must be knowing that, just out of sight, the crew is staying in comfortable tents, and meanwhile they're just having a miserable night."
But dying? No, Gowler confessed, his job is specifically to make sure no one dies.
In other words, Alaska reality TV isn't really about danger. It's about what many regular Alaska adventures turn into: sufferfests.
The danger angle is all hype.
Yes, the Alaska wilderness can kill you. All-terrain vehicles, snowmobiles, avalanches and unsafe boating are all very real dangers. Animal attacks? Not so much, but they could happen. Crevasse falls? Very rare. Mountaineering? Well, it depends on your route and your judgment.
Starvation? Who was the last person to be reported to have starved to death in the Alaska wilderness? Chris McCandless of "Into the Wild" fame maybe? That was more than 20 years ago, and there are questions now as to whether he starved to death or died from eating poisonous mushrooms.
The risk of death in the Alaska wild, even from snowmobile crashes and avalanches, is really pretty small. If you really want to die in Alaska, start smoking or pull your chair up in front of the television and watch Alaska reality TV for hours and hours every day.
Better yet, pull the chair up in front of the TV and sit there smoking while you watch. That'll do it.
What really kills Alaskans
Because, according to the state of Alaska, here's what kills people in the north:
• Cancer -- 120 deaths per 100,000, or about two and half times the rate of accidental injury deaths.
• Diseases of the heart -- 92 per 100,000, or about twice the rate of accidental injury deaths.
But let's go back to those injury deaths for a moment. When state investigators broke down the data from previous years, they found that more than 55 percent of the injury deaths were tied to motor vehicle accidents or poisoning, with accidental poisonings slightly ahead of motor vehicle accidents. Falls also popped up in the chart.
These things kill people in all states. And they kill people in the 49th state.
So ignore the reality TV hype. You're far more likely to die from inactivity due to the sedentary lifestyle, or from accidental poisoning, or in a car crash, or even from a fall than you're likely to die in any sort of way related to the Alaska wilderness.
However, National Geo does make the danger of "natural disaster" sound pretty threatening.
"Alaska is a state with numerous active volcanoes such as Novarupta, 290 miles southwest of Anchorage. In 1912, it was the scene of the biggest volcanic eruption of the 20th century, which expelled six cubic miles of lava — many more times than what Mount St. Helens spewed in 1980. Fortunately, the Alaskan population was so sparse in those days that nobody was killed, but the U.S. Geological Survey says a similar eruption today could kill or injure hundreds.''
Keep a cautious eye to the south. There are plenty of volcanoes in those mountains of the Aleutian Range visible just across Cook Inlet. One could blow at any minute, and a lot of us could die.
Because, you know, it's really dangerous just living in Alaska.
Contact Craig Medred at craig(at)alaskadispatch.com