Bean's Cafe remembers former clients at annual vigil

Bean's Cafe executive director Lisa Sauder said 2015 brought more deaths than usual and was particularly hard on the nonprofit's staff, volunteers and clients. While some of the deaths were ruled natural causes, many others were Spice-related, Sauder said.

"Life on the streets is very difficult," Sauder said. "Life expectancy isn't that long."

White memorial pamphlets were scattered across the brown tables and held in the hands of attendees. Inside their pages were hundreds of names of former clients who've died since the late-'80s.

Year by year, name by name, Anchorage Mayor Ethan Berkowitz and other community leaders, Bean's Cafe board members and staff, led the grim recital. As the names were read, some clients cried into handfuls of tissues, others raised electric t-light candles above their heads.

"That was a lot of names," Nancy Olsen said. "So many people."

Olsen's face was red, her eyes were swollen and tears slid down her cheeks. A couple of months ago, Spice put Olsen's 38-year-old son into a coma and he didn't survive, she said. According to Olsen, she never knew her son was using Spice.

Olsen said the vigil was helping her heal, but she felt "overcome with sadness" for not only her son, but for the others who died and those they left behind.

"There are so many," Olsen said. "People just don't realize. There are people freezing on the streets."

The holidays don't make it any easier, she added. Olsen was trying to be cheerful for the season, but as she wished others a happy holiday she put her head down and cried.

"Happy Christmas," Olsen said. "Don't forget to hug your children."

For all of the tears shed, community leaders and Bean's Cafe staff made a valiant effort to keep people from being overwhelmed with grief. Several spoke words of encouragement and strength to the crowd.

"There is a time for grief and a time for reflection," Berkowitz said. "This is a moment where we grieve and we reflect, but from that grief and from that reflection we should draw strength, we should find hope, and we should find cause for action."