Dear Annie: My nephew has lived with us since he was 16 years old, after my brother threw him out of his house. My brother then called me to see if he could stay with us. My sister and I accepted him into our home.
He is now 35 and still lives with us. My sister and I agree he has changed for the worse. He has expressed to us he wished we were dead by now. The other day, my sister and I went out, and our nephew closed the outside gates of our home. We couldn’t get back in because of this. I had to climb a wall in my backyard and then jump over to open the gate and get into our house. I am 65, and my sister is 59.
He has gotten to be very offensive with both of us. We’ve had to lock our cats in our bedrooms because he wants to throw them out of the house (he’s done this with one of my sister’s cats before).
We’ve called the police twice, but they say they can’t do anything because he hasn’t touched us. We are afraid, and we want him out. He doesn’t work, help around the house or pay rent, either. What can we do?
-- Desperate Sisters
Dear Desperate Sisters: Your nephew is extremely fortunate to have had you and your sister to care for him when his own father wasn’t willing to. But you’ve both done everything you can to support him. It’s time to focus on your own happiness and, most importantly, your safety.
With your nephew unwilling to leave the house on his own, you’ll likely need to take legal action. Eviction laws vary based on the state you live in, so your best bet is to consult a lawyer to figure out how to proceed, especially since you said your nephew isn’t paying rent. Continue what you’ve been doing in terms of keeping your personal possessions and your animals safe from him. If his behavior escalates before you’re able to remove him from the house, don’t be afraid to call the police or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.
Dear Annie: I am a college student, and I just finished my finals for the fall semester and am now on winter break. Right toward the end of finals week, one of my professors had a medical emergency and had to miss our final day for surgery. My entire class sent her supportive emails, including me, but I find myself still worrying about her. She’s a wonderful professor and person, and she’s so passionate about the material she teaches. She’s everything I love in a professor, and just knowing that she’s suffering worries me.
I don’t know if I’d be overstepping boundaries to send her more emails letting her know I’m thinking of her, especially since she’ll be unable to look at a screen for at least a few weeks due to the nature of her surgery. What else can I do to show her support? Leave her alone? Should I send another email in another month or so when she’s recovered somewhat? Should I bring her a gift at the start of spring semester, since I have another class with her? I really want to do something, I just don’t know what.
-- Concerned (Overstepping?) Student
Dear Concerned Student: Your empathy says a lot about you! And you’re right that great professors are a gift that can’t be taken for granted.
Since you’ve already sent a thoughtful email, I would wait until the spring semester to reach out again. Recovering from surgery can be overwhelming, and she might feel pressured to respond to all the messages she’s receiving. Come spring, bringing her something like flowers or a handwritten card would be appropriate, and she will be in a better place to receive it.