How to get that drain unclogged, and other wisdom from plumbers

A funny thing about plumbing disasters is that they are, indeed, quite funny - unless they’re happening to you, that is. There’s a wild world of hilarious clogs out there: Sticks of deodorant, undergarments, children’s toys, adult toys - you name it, plumbers have not just seen it, they’ve extracted it from a pipe.

Of course, we would all like to avoid a plumbing disaster, and who better to advise us on how to coddle our pipes than the experts themselves? We spoke to plumbers about the most common clogs (and some of the strangest), how to prevent them, how to deal with them and how to know when you should call a professional.

Know thy drains - and their clogs

Weird clogs make for the best stories, but the majority of clogs plumbers are called upon to service are actually quite predictable. “We can usually determine the culprit depending on what type of drain is clogged,” says Docia Boylen, the owner of Handyman Connection.

Toilets: “With a toilet, the number one thing obviously is toilet paper,” says Roy Barnes, a partner at Service Force Plumbing, “and flushable wipes. Golly, there’s times where we snake these pipes and we’ll pull out a couple hundred of them.” He says that tampons and “sometimes condoms” round out the three most common causes of a clog in the commode.

Tub and shower drains: Hair and soap scum mingle in tub and shower drains, forming an unholy union. “In the shower, you are using soap, you’re using shampoo, you’re using conditioner,” Boylen says. “That stuff can clog up drains.” Experts recommend placing a hair catcher in drains to prevent clogs from forming in the first place.

Sink drains: In the bathroom, sink drains suffer the way that tub and shower drains do, namely at the hands of hair and soap scum. Over in the kitchen, oil and grease from cooking are enemies No. 1 (they’re a bonded pair). Fibrous vegetables, which coil around garbage disposal blades like hair wrapped around a vacuum’s beater bar, are another. Things that pretty obviously don’t belong in a drain, like silverware or melted wax, are not uncommon. And starches, including and especially potatoes, expand in pipes, creating massive blockages that can require extreme measures to repair.

Washer stand pipes: The wild card entry on the list is the laundry standpipe, which connects to a washing machine’s discharge hose. “You get a lot of oil saturation there,” Barnes says, “and when you add the lint from your clothes, it becomes like Velcro.” He recommends putting a metal lint sock over the washer’s discharge line to trap debris before it enters your plumbing system and cleaning it out every three to six months.

Abandon chemical drain openers

Put down the bottle of liquid drain opener, please! “The first thing I’ll tell you is, when it comes to any type of clogs, as a plumber, we don’t use any type of chemicals,” Barnes says.

The experts we spoke to agreed that when it comes to clearing a clog, tools designed to open drains are the way to go - chemical drain openers are simply not as effective as augers, plungers and those little zipper-y tools designed to snare hairballs. If you must pour something down a clogged drain, make it boiling water, Boylen says. “Boil a kettle of water and run it slowly down your drain in stages. You would be amazed at what boiling water will do - basically, it will heat up anything that got stuck there because it got cold.” She says this technique is particularly effective on a clogged kitchen sink drain.

One chemical agent that plumbers do recommend is an enzyme-based product called Green Gobbler. “They come in strips that you put down the drain,” Boylen says. “The strips disintegrate, and the enzymes break down organic matter, like grease or fat or food particles.” Enzymes work slowly, so these products will not offer relief for clogs, but they can help to keep clogs from forming. They are also safe to use in septic systems, unlike other chemical drain openers, which should never be used to clear a pipe that drains into a septic system.

When it comes to clogged pipes, tools > agents

Once you’ve put down the chemical drain openers, it’s time to pick up some tools: a plunger, an auger or one of those little zippy things (technical term).

Plungers: Of course you know about plunging a toilet, but plumbers want you to know that plungers are great for all kinds of clogs - including clogs in sinks, tubs and showers. “I love plungers for sinks because it gets the back pressure and it can get a stubborn clog pulled out,” Boylen says. “For a sink, the old fashioned round plungers work the best.” When plunging a sink or tub, block the overflow by holding a wet washcloth over the opening. “If you block that overflow and create pressure with the plunger while you’re plunging, it can be very effective on minor clogs,” says Nathan Hudelson, the owner of Schlueter Plumbing.

Augers: Drain augers, or drain snakes, are tools designed to remove obstructions from drains. Power augers should only be used by professionals, but hand augers can be a useful tool for amateur use - just take care when working with one, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. “We see more problems from hand augers with homeowners than we see things fixed,” Hudelson says. “Of course, maybe they’re not calling us when they fix things with them.”

Zipper snakes: Plastic drain snakes with teeth like a zipper designed to grab hair and other clog-y messes are a fantastic tool for the home plumber. “If it’s a tub or bathroom sink,” Hudelson says, “I always recommend using the zip strip first.”

Consider the plumber

You’ve put down the chemicals, picked up a plunger or a snake and still, the clog persists. At what point do you call a plumber? Boylen says that if you don’t know how to use a snake properly, don’t risk damaging your pipes: “I always say, when in doubt, call a plumber.”

Another thing plumbers would like you to know relates to truth-telling: Do not lie to your plumber - if you poured a chemical drain opener in your pipes, tell the plumber for their safety (they promise you will not get in trouble) - but be aware that your plumber may be willing to lie for you!

Hudelson tells a story about a customer who poured a box of instant mashed potatoes into the sink and ran just enough water to flush them out of the sink basin - but not nearly enough to keep them moving through her plumbing system. “It made mashed potatoes in her pipes,” he says, “all the way down to the basement was completely full of mashed potatoes. I couldn’t open it with an auger because when I put the auger in it, the mashed potatoes would collapse behind it.” The solution was to cut the pipe apart and use a Shop Vac to suck the mashed potatoes out. “She made me promise not to tell her husband. She said: ‘Please don’t write that on the service ticket. Just put the kitchen drain was blocked. I’ll pay the bill.’ So I did that for her.”

Children and adulterers are the enemy of toilets

Here’s something that would be infuriating if it wasn’t so cute: “For some reason, kids love to throw things in the toilet and watch it go down,” Hudelson says. “So a lot of the big things we see that stop up toilets are toys. We’ve pulled out stuffed animals, Matchbox cars, Superman.” Poor Superman.

Children’s toys aren’t the only playthings that find their way into toilets. “Of course, we found sex toys down in there,” Barnes says, listing other oddball finds that include deodorant and tiny cups used for gargling mouthwash. And the most odd objects they found? “We found about 150 condoms that were stuck in the toilet,” he says, “and it was just the woman and her husband that lived there.” Can you guess the sordid punch line? “Her husband doesn’t use condoms.”