Dear Annie: I have three children, a son and two daughters. I am a widow, and my family has always been close and caring. My son lives in the same city as I do. He’s very caring and checks on me every day.
My daughters live out of town, about two hours away. My oldest daughter and her husband come about once a month. They are very attentive. My youngest daughter has always been very close, and she would come often. She is divorced and has four grown children and five grandchildren. Her former husband was having an affair and she divorced him six years ago. I think the affair took her by surprise.
She has since met someone new. He’s a very nice man, and they have an exclusive relationship. In the past, she came about every six weeks, and we talked daily. But now she seldom comes to visit.
I have helped her financially, doing things for my grandchildren and for her, paid for her divorce, bought furniture and other necessities. She says that nothing happened to cause her not to come and visit as before.
I had hip replacement surgery several years ago, and I have to use a walker. I no longer drive. She came in late January and spent a night, and that is the only time I have seen her this year. She does call almost every day.
I don’t understand the change in her behavior. I try not to dwell on it, but during the holiday season, it is on my mind. She says nothing has happened, that she is just busy, that I have not done anything to hurt her feelings in any way.
I miss her and the rest of the family does as well. Do you have any suggestions?
-- Missing My Daughter
Dear Missing My Daughter: It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with all three of your children. It’s easy to get lost in the duties of everyday life -- especially in a new relationship -- so I would give your daughter the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like she really is busy.
If you want to see more of your daughter, consider inviting her and her new boyfriend over more frequently, rather than just counting on her to drop by on her own initiative. No need to go all out on hosting; a simple, “I miss you, come over for pizza on Friday night!” could be all it takes. If she repeatedly rejects your offer, it might benefit you to open up about your feelings and tell her how much her visits mean to you, especially if she is calling you almost daily.