DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was walking in the humanities building of the university where I am a graduate student. I turned the corner of the hallway that leads to the offices and saw one of my professors lying in the middle of the hall at the bottom of a few steps.
She had two other professors around her, and I could hear that they believed she had sprained an ankle (I assume from tripping down the stairs).
I needed to get by them to get to my office, so I said “excuse me” and walked by. I now wonder: Was that rude of me? Should I have stopped and inquired further?
I mean, the situation was clearly under control and it was not an emergency. My presence would likely have only made my professor uncomfortable (she did catch my eye and I could tell that she felt this way already).
Should I have chosen an alternate path? I wasn’t exactly stepping over her to get to my office, but it was pretty close.
GENTLE READER: Your haste to get to your office may have demonstrated a commendable commitment to your studies. But Miss Manners suspects a quick stop to inquire if any further assistance was needed would not have done any lasting damage to your GPA.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father, my three siblings and I are having a surprise 80th birthday party for my mother. One of her cousins responded that they were coming, but also asked what restaurant my mom likes, because she wants to bring a gift card for her.
My parents don’t need anything and I know my mom would prefer not to receive gifts. I politely responded that it was a very nice thought, but no gifts were necessary. She said that I should tell her the name of a restaurant, because she was going to bring a gift card regardless.
Is it rude on my part to ask people not to bring gifts? Or should she back down?
GENTLE READER: No. Yes. But isn’t your real question: How do I get this cousin to stop pestering me?
Miss Manners has an answer for that one, too, which is, “You know, I’m not sure she would actually use it.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A woman my husband works with bought him five work shirts. (This is something that happens quite often with this co-worker.) I told him that I felt it was inappropriate, and that he should give them back.
But he likes the shirts, and decided that rather than giving them back, he would go ahead and wear them. He even went and bought another one on his own, and it turns out each one cost over $100.
There is a whole load of context here, but I don’t think there’s any need to share all of that.
GENTLE READER: No doubt. You might ask your husband how he would feel about a male co-worker who purchased expensive jewelry for you.