Advice

Dear Annie: How can we repair our relationship with our son when his wife seems determined to keep us at a distance?

Dear Annie: We used to have an excellent relationship with our son, and he has a daughter who is now 19 years old. Seven years ago, he met a divorced woman whom we initially liked, but over time, things changed drastically. Since this new relationship began, our son’s bond with his daughter has deteriorated to the point where they hardly see each other anymore, simply because, according to them, they’re always “too busy.”

While we’ve managed to maintain a wonderful relationship with our granddaughter, things with our son have become strained, largely due to his new wife, who has become very controlling. She clearly dislikes us, and as a result, our relationship with him has virtually collapsed.

Recently, our son had a breakdown, and we’re not allowed to see him at all. This has deeply hurt us, and his daughter is heartbroken as well. It’s painful to watch her suffer, knowing she’s lost her connection with her father, and we’re unsure how to help.

How can we possibly repair this broken relationship with our son when his wife seems determined to keep us at a distance? Is there any way we can support him through this difficult time without alienating him further or creating more tension? We are desperate for advice on how to rebuild our family ties before it’s too late.

-- Heartbroken Parents

Dear Heartbroken: This is an incredibly difficult situation for everyone involved. The hard truth is that the only person who can truly help your son is your son himself; he has to want the help and be ready to accept it. In the meantime, continue reaching out to your daughter-in-law from a place of pure love and concern for your son’s well-being, and for the sake of your granddaughter.

While it’s understandable to feel that she is controlling (which I don’t doubt she may be), placing blame on her won’t help your son or granddaughter in the present moment. What can help is showing unconditional love and support for your son, while practicing non-judgmental acceptance toward your daughter-in-law. This approach may give your son the emotional space he needs to heal and, ultimately, reconnect with his family.

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Dear Annie: I am a 64-year-old woman who got divorced after 35 years of marriage. After two years of “kissing frogs,” I believe I’ve finally found my prince. He’s a kidney dialysis patient, and we’ve been together for over a year. We love each other deeply.

Recently, he told me he was on the waiting list for a kidney transplant, but to our dismay, he’s since learned that he no longer qualifies and will have to remain on dialysis for the rest of his life. I’m heartbroken for him, as he’s 67 and comes from a family with longevity. At the same time, I find myself confused and uncertain about our future together, knowing that this will significantly affect our life as a couple.

I love him, but I’m struggling with what this means for us in the long term. How can I be the best support for him while also considering how this will change our life together? I’m torn between my feelings for him and the practical realities we’ll have to face. Any advice would be appreciated.

-- Concerned in WA

Dear Concerned: Congratulations on finding your prince. While he has this health issue, he is still your prince, and that means you love him. Focus on continuing your support of him and getting him the best medical care. At the end of the day, wouldn’t you rather live with your prince who has a health problem than a fit-as-a-fiddle frog?

Annie Lane

Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dearannie@creators.com

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