DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an acquaintance who has been in my home a few times, even though I’ve never invited him over. He’s shown up at my door without calling or texting, and asks to come in for tea.
He’s pleasant, and I don’t mind the company -- when I’m free. But on a recent visit, he said I should keep my home tidier if I wanted him to come over again.
I keep my house clean, but he’s shown up when I’ve been in the middle of folding laundry, for example. Or when I had some papers on the coffee table, a towel hanging to dry in the bathroom, my gym shoes beside the door and a coffee cup beside the kitchen sink.
When I’m expecting guests, I make my home look like nobody lives there. But am I really obligated to keep my home constantly spotless just in case someone drops in?
GENTLE READER: No. But you also do not have to let this person in just because he shows up at your door.
Miss Manners suggests you practice saying, “This is not a good time for me.” No reason necessary. If he presses for one, you might say, “I’m afraid my house is not up to your standards. I will be sure to invite you over when it is.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend and I frequently get together for lunch at local restaurants. I am sometimes embarrassed by what my friend says to servers, and I don’t know how I can get her to stop.
If the service is good, she is very effusive with her praise, and ties up the server by chatting as if they were now BFFs. If she thinks the service is subpar, she proceeds to instruct the server on how to do better in the future. Mind you, she has never worked in a restaurant.
One time we had a young waiter who was in training, and my friend was telling him how to stack up the plates as he cleared the table. I couldn’t help myself and just blurted out, “Please stop.”
Should I ignore this from now on? What could I say to get her to realize that this is embarrassing?
GENTLE READER: If “Please stop” did not work, Miss Manners is afraid a more polite approach will not, either.
But if similarly pressed, she would say, “Let’s let these servers do their job and just enjoy one another’s company, shall we?” She would omit the part where she tells your friend that stacking plates as you remove them is improper in the first place.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate way to address people who cut in line, specifically at theme parks with long lines (60+ minutes) and limited staff?
My family was recently at a large, well-attended theme park, and had multiple encounters with individuals cutting in line. Half of our group felt it was fine to block the line cutters and prevent them from continuing, while the other half felt that doing so was disruptive to other guests and not worth the aggravation.
Given that there were no theme park workers in sight to address the problem, what would you suggest?
GENTLE READER: “Excuse me, but there is a line here and the rest of us are waiting in it.” In this case, Miss Manners believes that words are more effective than (disruptive) actions.