Dear Annie: I am writing to you basically needing advice on a matter of snobbery and arrogance.
This in regard to one of my relatives. They say money changes people, and in this case, I think it has.
I’m now past 70 years of age. I have a male first cousin near my age. We grew up in the same Midwestern town only a few miles apart. Let’s call him “Frank.”
After high school, Frank left the Midwest and moved to California seeking bigger dreams. Having no skills, he worked part-time jobs and eventually found substantial employment. Then with a stroke of luck, he met and married a woman who had inherited a sum of wealth from her family. Together, they began to enjoy a comfortable life.
Frank had always been a genuine person, but after he moved into a higher income bracket, his personality changed from genuine to snobbish. He returned to the Midwest one time to visit and, in front of a group of relatives, bragged of being a “somebody” and referred to me as a nobody. I left the gathering determined not to speak to him again.
At our age, many of our relatives -- uncles, aunts, cousins -- have passed away. Five years have passed, and Frank called me. I believe, now realizing the family is smaller and wanting friendship, that he somehow wants to become friends again. I explained to him that he owed me an apology. He denied this. He wants to sweep the entire incident under the rug as if it never happened. I would not mind rekindling the friendship, but I don’t know how to handle this.
-- “Pete” in the Midwest
Dear Pete: It makes sense why you’re disheartened by Frank’s attitude shift over the years, but it sounds like he misses you and finally wants to bury the hatchet. You need to decide which is more important -- harboring resentment and judgment over a comment he made many years ago or putting the past aside and giving him a second chance. Reconciliation doesn’t happen overnight, so give yourself, and Frank, grace and time if you choose to reconnect. Better late than never.
Dear Annie: My new boyfriend told me he’s polyamorous, and I am not. He often tells me he wants me plus another woman in order to satisfy his sexual needs. I do love him, but this is something I’ve never encountered. I’m willing to try different things, but I’m not sure if this is something I’m mentally ready to do. I want to stay with him, but I’m not sure if I can handle the whole situation.
-- Lost and Confused
Dear Lost: Compromise in a romantic relationship is one thing, but this falls firmly into deal-breaker territory. Have an open, honest conversation with your boyfriend about your boundaries and the fact that you may never be ready or able to give him something polyamorous -- which is 100% OK. If you can’t land on something that works for you both, it’s probably time to part ways. You both deserve to be in relationships that make you feel supported, seen and safe.