Dear Annie: I have been with my husband since high school, so we’ve been together for 14 years and married for seven. I love him very much, but I’m starting to hate him.
He is angry every day. He comes home from work and doesn’t pay attention to our children. I do all the cleaning in the house. He’s been getting into his religion again; I’m an atheist, so we butt heads a lot. I’m scared to get a divorce as I feel like that’s drastic, but when I try to talk to him about us not working out, he shuts me down and says nothing while rolling his eyes. We end up both just getting super angry with each other. Now, I’m not always the easiest to live with either, but I do everything for our kids, and I feel like he doesn’t appreciate that.
Our relationship has just become arguing all the time, and I’m not sure what to do. Do I end it and take care of our children alone or try to make it work?
-- Confused and Hurt
Dear Confused: It’s clear that your marriage as it stands isn’t working for you or your husband and it’s time for some sort of change. Before pursuing anything “drastic,” as you say, you and your husband need to at least attempt couples counseling. For each other’s sake and the sake of your children, it’s worth trying to salvage the family you’ve built, but your husband has to be willing to try, too. If he continues to resist, then you will have to decide what is best for yourself and the kids. Staying in this unhappy and unhealthy dynamic will only continue to breed more dysfunction.
Dear Annie: I was disappointed in your response to “Help,” the woman reaching out for advice on how to handle her fiance’s situation with his parents.
I’ve come from a similar world. I’m married to someone who used to struggle with standing up to his parents, which, combined with other problems, nearly destroyed our marriage and tore apart our family a few years ago.
Since then, we’ve gotten help and have learned how to properly handle such situations. She has every right to be concerned, and she is being very wise about seeing the possible problems that may come later down the road.
If she has an issue with this now and he’s not taking her seriously, it would not be wise for things to move forward.
These “well-meaning and caring” parents are suffocating the life and possibility out of this relationship and sabotaging it, and he is enabling them by allowing them to.
“Help” and her fiance should work together to find a mutually satisfying solution and give each other the respect they deserve.
-- Been There, Got Help
Dear Been There: A number of readers wrote in commiserating with “Help” and warning that her future in-laws’ invasiveness could get worse down the road. You are absolutely correct that newlyweds require privacy, and “Help’s” fiance must stand up to his parents if their “support” is getting in the way of his relationship.