Dear Annie: I’m struggling to take control of my life. My parents have supported me through tough times, including addiction and an abusive relationship. I have three kids with my ex, and my parents were always there for me. After leaving my ex and moving back in with them, my mom took over the parenting responsibilities, which I reluctantly accepted.
Now I have a baby with my fiance, and I’m a stay-at-home mom, but I feel stuck. My mom is controlling, often making me feel guilty that I’m not doing things right as a mother.
I want to get a degree and improve my life, but I don’t know where to start. I’m over 30 and feel stuck by fear and anxiety. How can I take control of my life when I feel like I have no support or direction?
-- Regaining Control
Dear Regaining Control: Rome was not built in a day. Your mom is used to being the one who was in control while you were sick. Now that you are healthy and recovered, there will be a bit of a transition period for both of you to get used to. Be grateful for all the help she provided to your children while you were sick, and keep open lines of communication. Explain to her how much better you are doing and that you would like to make your own decisions regarding your children.
Don’t be a victim and say that you have no control over your life. You have lots of control over your life and should celebrate your victories. You left an abusive relationship and got clean and sober -- two things that are very difficult to do. Your desire to get a degree is great. By no means is 30, or any age for that matter, too old to better your education. Go for it, and let your mom be a support in your life so long as she doesn’t criticize.
Dear Annie: My son’s best friend has special needs, and his mom asked if I could help him when she was going to be away. I happily agreed.
I was his caretaker for two weeks, eight hours each day. She thanked me initially, and that was it.
During those two weeks, I watched her son every day, fed him, and even spoiled him a bit to ensure he had a safe and enjoyable time with us. However, when his mom returned after the two weeks, she never thanked me again or offered compensation for all I did. While I would have declined any payment, I would have appreciated the gesture. I canceled my own plans to help her, and I feel like she took advantage of our boys’ friendship. Am I overreacting? Should I say something or just let it go?
-- Confused
Dear Confused: You are not overreacting. What she did was rude, plain and simple. That said, you gained something valuable from the experience. Your son enjoyed two weeks with his best friend, and you had the chance to care for and support his friend.
As for the lack of a thank you, it might be best to let it go. While her son may be close to your son, it’s clear that a close friendship with her may not be in the cards. Gratitude is a gift we give to others, but it’s also something that enriches ourselves. Unfortunately, she missed out on that opportunity.