DEAR MISS MANNERS: My first pregnancy has been 10 years in the making due to infertility. I would like to tell some specific friends the news before I announce it in general on social media.
However, when I try to start a conversation with these friends, such as via text, they talk about themselves and don’t ask how I am, so I don’t have a good lead-in to my announcement. I am not sure that I should call them out of the blue, since I usually don’t, and I don’t want them to think something is wrong.
I am hesitant to just share the news with no lead-in, since one friend was somewhat taken aback when I completely sprung it on her. My husband thinks I should just text people with “I’m pregnant!” and call it a day, or wait until the public announcement -- and then if these friends are offended that I didn’t tell them directly, at least I tried.
But I feel strange about not directly telling some of my close friends simply because I never got a “How are you?” in reply. Am I overthinking this?
GENTLE READER: Or perhaps you are underthinking the quality of these friendships with people who never seem to ask after you. Miss Manners is not sure they deserve a private announcement.
But if you think they do, she suggests you call them (out of the blue -- gasp!) and before they get a chance to launch into their own lives or assume any misfortune, say, “I have good news!” and then proceed. This will also spare them wondering how you are feeling -- since it seems they would not think to otherwise ask.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I love to throw dinner parties, but often our guests stay late into the evening. My husband loves to continue to entertain guests after dessert, but I am more of an introvert and would prefer that they head home.
To that end, I often will do dishes and clean up while my guests are still present, but after the meal is over. I’d much rather have all the dishes done that night than leave them until the next morning.
May I clean up a dinner party while my guests are entertained by my spouse? Sometimes my friends will complain that I should be entertaining them instead.
GENTLE READER: Well, it does convey the message you intend: that although you would like your guests to wrap it up, you will tolerate their presence if your husband does the entertaining.
Miss Manners suggests a compromise, but only for your more intimate friends: Ask one or two of them to keep you company while you put a few things away. Of course, they will likely insist that they help, but you can politely refuse or accept as you see fit.
Again, this is for close friends only. Should you entertain business acquaintances or heads of state, you must stay in the living room until they leave.