Dear Annie: This is a long story, but I will try to keep it short. I gave my mother a couch and chair as she was in desperate need of furniture. The furniture was my downstairs furniture, and I felt it was more important to give it to my mom. Eventually, she bought herself furniture to her taste, but I only found out when I went to visit her. I asked her what happened to my furniture, and she informed me that she gave it to my niece. This made me very upset as she did not even ask me if I would like it back and I told her such. She informed me that it was hers and she could do with it as she wanted.
I then called my sister to vent my frustration as I was very upset and hurt that my mother did not care about me. My sister then called my niece and told her to bring the furniture back to me. Four months later, my niece got married and I was not invited to the wedding, but my adult children were. I did not get an invite because of the couch and chair debacle, yet all of my extended family received an invite. Mind you, I never actually spoke with my niece. It was all my sister’s doing unbeknownst to me. I was shocked to see the furniture returned to me. Once again, my niece and I never spoke.
I am brokenhearted by the trouble my mother and sister caused and the mean way my niece treated me. Am I wrong to feel wronged by all of this mess?
-- Furniture Fiasco
Dear Furniture Fiasco: I would choose to see this situation as a series of mishaps more than anything malicious. In gifting your furniture to your mother, she assumed she was free and clear to do with it as she pleased. Your sister might have thought she was doing you a favor by confronting your niece and getting your furniture back for you, even if you didn’t see it that way. The missed wedding invitation is the most interesting piece of your story -- would your niece really be so petty as to not invite you over home furnishings?
The best way to resolve something like this is with direct communication. Everyone has had enough time and space. It’s time to clear the air.
Dear Annie: I just read your response to “Thrown off by My Girlfriend’s Past,” the man who felt betrayed after finding letters and mementoes from his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend. I liked your response but feel that you left out something rather important.
The man said his girlfriend seemed more passionate and intimate with her ex in these letters than she had ever been with him. It very often happens that some people find it difficult to express themselves freely in person, while they can be much more expressive with the written word. It could also be due to getting older. Young people often are very impassioned and mellow out as they age. It doesn’t lessen their feelings.
I’m glad you pointed out the nostalgia aspect. I have letters from people that are over 50 years old. They are lovely reminders of our past.
-- Still Writing After All These Years
Dear Still Writing: I appreciate your thoughts and agree with them. It’s also important for “Thrown” to remember that no two relationships are the same. Comparison is the thief of joy.