DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I frequently host meals for 10 to 20 guests, both personally and professionally. We have a debate over whether to put out spoons for meals when we are not serving soup.
My spouse contends that spoons may be used for things other than soup (e.g. spreads, or the last bits of thin sauces). I prefer not to set out spoons in order to save on the volume of dishwashing (or waste, if using disposable utensils, although we have switched to compostable ones).
We have agreed to abide by your determination: spoons at every meal, or only when soup is being served?
GENTLE READER: Stop! Please do not put out those superfluous spoons! You are making trouble for Miss Manners.
In a world besmirched by incivility, many people believe that etiquette -- that is, the rules of moderate restraint in the interest of community harmony -- is a snobbish way of humiliating honest people. Further, they include table manners in this nasty sport.
Lamentation over “which fork to use” is still cited as a trap, although it has been more than a century since highly specialized flatware was in use. And people should be minding their own plates.
A correct table setting consists of only the items necessary for the food to be consumed, laid out in an outside-to-inside pattern. That’s it. Please.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a foot condition that requires me to wear orthopedic shoes. If I don’t, it’s very painful. My husband and I have a no-shoes rule in our house, and some of our friends do as well.
I have had slippers made so I can be comfortable in my own home. When we visited these friends, I brought a pair of my slippers so I could wear them in their house. Our friend refused to let me wear them because I also wear them in my own home, so they must have dirt and grime on them.
I have more than one pair, so I’m able to wash them at least once a week, which I told her. She insisted I wear the slippers she provided, so I did, and was in pain all night.
Was I rude to bring my own, as she insinuated?
GENTLE READER: That is some friend you have. She doesn’t trust your word when you say that your slippers are clean, and she would rather you be in pain all evening than risk dirt on her floor.
Miss Manners has heard from other people with their own reasons for not removing their shoes indoors. She hopes you are as tolerant of them as one would expect others -- especially friends -- to be of you.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I really feel badly when I am in front of an elderly or disabled person on an elevator and I step out of ahead of him or her. However, it is awkward and creates major traffic problems if I step back into the crowd. What should I do?
GENTLE READER: Get off the elevator.