DEAR MISS MANNERS: I appeared in a local theatrical production that was well-received. One of our performances was attended by my closest friend, who brought along his lovely wife and two wonderful children.
After my performance, my friend waited for me with his family to congratulate me and invite me to join them at a nearby ice cream shop. Always happy to spend time with them, I gratefully accepted.
As we sat at our table enjoying our refreshments and I was hearing their thoughts on my performance, a man approached our table and immediately began speaking to me about the production.
While I’m grateful that he is supporting the local arts and that he enjoyed our production, being approached by strangers while I’m dining out with friends is awkward for me. Particularly since he seemed to have no interest in even acknowledging my friends.
Should I have explained that I was dining with friends and excused myself or introduced my dining companions to this gentleman (who addressed me by name, but never mentioned his)?
As it is, he spoke for several seconds, although it seemed much longer, about how much he enjoyed our production and his favorite points in the show. I thanked him, and he left. My friends at least were very understanding and seemed content to listen to our exchange in quiet amusement.
After he left, I apologized for the interruption. My friends seemed to take this in stride, perhaps recognizing the awkwardness and my uncertainty as to how to deal with this situation.
How should I have handled this? Obviously, I don’t wish to alienate an appreciative audience member, but I certainly don’t wish to be interrupted while in the company of dear friends, particularly by someone who ignores them to talk to me.
I’m certain I did a poor job of dealing with this, so I turn to Miss Manners for her sagacious counsel.
GENTLE READER: If an exchange like this goes on for more than those several seconds, Miss Manners’ sagacious counsel is that you tell the gentleman that you appreciate his compliments, but you are out with friends you have not seen in a while. If an opportunity to introduce them feels right, then you may do so to ease the dismissal.
But if you are to pursue a life in the arts in performances that are as good as this gentleman says, you should get used to addressing your fans -- graciously, but with boundaries.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a couple of women’s groups. Oftentimes some of them, plus other friends, make the sort of comment, “You cannot quit or die (I’m 77) before I do and leave me here all alone.”
While this may be construed as flattery (they can’t live without me!), my reaction is more of, “Thanks a lot. Now who am I supposed to always have available for ME?”
I need to find a response to those comments that doesn’t sound so peevish. I also don’t want to make them feel bad when they think they’re being complimentary. What may I say?
GENTLE READER: “As you well know, that is beyond any of our control.”