Dear Annie: My wife’s family ignores me and does not speak to me at any family events.
Her sister was visiting us in early 2024. We were driving to a synagogue event in my wife’s honor. In the car, her sister told me that I was not allowed to say anything to her. I replied that it was my car and I can speak to whom I choose. She cursed me out as her reply.
There came the time to bring her to the airport. I did such. She had a heavy suitcase to take out of the car, and due to her multiple sclerosis, she struggles to lift heavy objects. I refused to do anything, and she was forced to pick up the heavy suitcase from the trunk.
My spouse was upset with me because I refused to help her sister. My response was that since she despises me, why should I do anything for her? I did get a lot of flak for not helping her sister with the luggage. Again, I responded by stating that I was not going to assist because of her vile disrespect and hatred for me.
With the exception of one niece, my spouse’s siblings and children do not talk to me at all. I have tried a number of times to extend an olive branch to them, and they do not say anything back to me. I have been totally dissed.
I told my wife that I will not attend her family’s events because of the nasty treatment that I receive.
Such a position puts my spouse in an uneasy situation. I understand her feelings, but I feel the hostility of all of them.
What is the best approach or possible solution?
-- Sick of Wife’s Toxic Family
Dear Sick: The only toxic behavior I’m seeing in your letter is your refusal to help your sister-in-law -- who has multiple sclerosis -- with her bags. Next time you’re frustrated with one of your wife’s family members, try to respond with kindness rather than hostility, and see what happens.
Dear Annie: I lost touch with a girl I care about, partly due to my actions and partly because of friends. We’re connected on Facebook but don’t really talk. I’m afraid to reach out, fearing she might cut me off. I’ve been praying for us to reconnect as friends. She lives three hours away and might be married.
I don’t want to cause any issues in her life, but I miss our friendship and hope we can meet in person again someday. Should I try to rekindle our friendship and keep praying for a reunion, or would reaching out be inappropriate given her potential marriage? What should I do?
-- Hoping to Reconnect
Dear Hoping: Regardless of whether this woman is married or not, she may not feel the same desire you do to be anything more than a casual Facebook friend. Apologies for past mistakes go a long way. Tread lightly, and be prepared that you may not get the response from her that you want.