Dear Annie: My husband has five kids from a previous marriage. One was -- well, I’ll say never overly friendly. The other four I thought we were good. But things blew up over something dumb. Now three of his girls do not talk to me. Which for me is fine. They think that I am too controlling with their father.
But they are also taking out their anger on their father by not talking to him either. This makes me more angry. I would like to tell them that they all need to grow up. It’s not like they are young. These are grown children with families of their own. My husband says I should let it go. But I know he is so hurt by how they are acting. Should I leave it alone or finally tell them to grow up? This is something that is not going to blow over.
-- Tired of Trying
Dear Tired of Trying: Wanting to insult your stepdaughters is not really trying. It’s being judgmental and not looking at how your behaviors might have caused their frustration with you and your husband. You never once referred to them as your stepchildren, only your husband’s kids. This leads me to believe that you have never been accepting of them.
Instead of telling them to grow up, reach out to them and say that you and your husband would like a relationship with them. If it is too far gone with you, at least try to repair their father’s relationship. In addition, encourage your husband to reach out to his children and not be so passive, pretending everything is fine.
Dear Annie: My good friend and I were sitting and relaxing on her front porch, when the guy she had a crush on (they weren’t even dating) came walking by. I asked her if I could have a drink, and she said there was soda in the fridge, so go help myself. I left them outside to talk. I leaned into the fridge to reach for the soda, and when I stood up and turned around, he was in my face and kissed me. I was shocked and appalled. I went outside and he left.
I struggled with what to do, and felt it was only right to tell my friend. She confronted him, and he told her I had made a pass at him. She blamed me, cut off the friendship and tried to make my life miserable. That was over 30 years ago. And no, she never did date him. I realized she wasn’t really a friend to begin with, if she believed him over me. Sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing.
-- Shocked Friend
Dear Shocked Friend: You absolutely did the right thing. She sounds like she wasn’t much of a friend in the first place. What that guy did to you was a form of assault, and she let her feelings for him get in the way of being an empathetic friend to you while you were going through something scary. Sounds like the two of them deserved each other. They should have dated!