DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I enjoy riding a tandem bicycle and have done so for many years and miles, both near our home and in far-flung locations. I ride in the front as the “pilot,” and my wife is the “stoker” behind me.
As you may know, there is inevitably someone who finds it humorous to call out “She’s not pedaling!” as we pass by, quite often as we are taking on challenging terrain.
Having encountered this phenomenon too many times to count, neither of us finds it within ourselves to share in the amusement. On the contrary, as my wife takes her role in our team effort seriously and is quite fit, we both struggle to avoid succumbing to irritation.
Each of us, in turn, has attempted responses in friendly jest, with some success. But other times, we find ourselves caught dumbstruck. I wonder if Miss Manners might suggest a polite way to maintain a friendly, casual exchange while being clear that we respect each person’s effort and dedication to an activity that we truly enjoy?
GENTLE READER: Smile and wave, as if responding to an entirely different comment such as, “Well done!” The caller will be perplexed or frustrated and assume you misheard, but by then, Miss Manners trusts, you will have passed them.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to know the most polite way to request water with no ice at a restaurant.
The most common experience for me is that the waitstaff will come to the table, pitcher in hand, and immediately pour water (with ice) for everyone. I know he or she is trying to be accommodating, but most often, I prefer no ice. Sometimes I would like sparkling water, if they have it.
When there is a glass of ice water already poured for me, should I just accept it, or should I say something? I have spoken up in the past, but I feel like a difficult patron.
GENTLE READER: One of the few upsides of the apparently increasing rudeness of contemporary society is that Miss Manners can assure you that if you politely ask for plain water in a restaurant, you will not be the most difficult patron there.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a wedding to plan, but I don’t know anyone’s address! Most of my friends move every couple of years.
I figure that simply asking for their address via text is fine (right?), but it also got me thinking: How does one send a condolence card to a person whose address you don’t know? Texting the bereaved seems callous, and responding is probably not on their list of priorities.
GENTLE READER: 1. Text: “Could you please send me your address? I’d like to send a condolence letter.” 2. Letter.
Miss Manners is grateful that we have different means for different messages.