Dear Annie: I separated from my husband when our sons were 4 and 6. He then proceeded to move halfway across the country to take a higher-paying job. I always saw him as a narcissist.
Fast forward and my oldest son, who has always favored his dad over me, recently got married at town hall, and I found out about a month later through a Facebook picture. I am so sad and hurt. I have no idea what to do. He has been mad at me since I told him it would have been nice to get a thank you after I sent him some money. He has basically cut me and his stepdad off since then.
I have no idea how to react. I feel bullied by him and have not had contact with him since I found out about the marriage. He and his wife, who I have only met a few times, are both 30. I don’t know if I should send them a wedding gift as a show of support or continue no contact for a while and see what he does. Thank you for any advice.
-- Sad Mom
Dear Sad Mom: I’m sure opening your Facebook page to your son’s wedding photos without any prior notice from him was alarming and painful. Your son is upset, as are you, and the distance between you isn’t helping matters. A wedding gift to him and his wife could be the perfect olive branch to smooth things over. Give them the time and space to come around, but stay hopeful.
Dear Annie: Our son married into a large family. His wife’s sister was recently married. We did not receive an invitation, and no explanation was given. We were disappointed not to be included. However, it wasn’t until we saw post-wedding pictures of our 2-year-old granddaughter -- who served as the flower girl -- that we realized that we are not considered family. He is our only child, and she is our only grandchild. How do we handle our hurt feelings going forward?
-- The Sad Out-Laws
Dear Sad Out-Laws: That is certainly hurtful, but before you make assumptions, consider the fact that it was your daughter-in-law’s sister and her new husband who made the guest list -- not your son and his wife. Do you have a close relationship with them? If so, share your feelings of exclusion. But if not, focus your energy on the relationships that mean most to you -- your son, his wife and your granddaughter.