Dear Annie: I’ve been dating this woman on and off for the past six years. In all this time, she has never officially introduced me to her family or friends. We’ve never spent a holiday together, and she has never invited me to her home. Not even once! She says it’s because of past relationship trauma, so I haven’t pushed the issue.
She’s met my whole family. I introduced her to everyone important to me because she means that much. Why is she keeping me a secret?
-- Confused and Frustrated
Dear Confused and Frustrated: Six years is a long time to stay on the outskirts of someone’s life. Past relationship trauma might explain some hesitation, but it doesn’t excuse shutting you out completely.
Tell her you respect her past but are also invested in your future together, and ask what steps are necessary for her to move forward. If she insists on keeping you at arm’s length, it might be time to find somebody who can invite you into 100% of their life.
Dear Annie: I have been friends with “Richie” for almost 10 years now. About six years ago, we parted ways because his girlfriend hated me (still not sure why). Three years later, he left his girlfriend, and we became close again. We drank together, partied, and I even helped him get a job. At this job, he met a girl I didn’t approve of (she had done damage to my property a few years prior). Despite my feelings, he dated her, and again, he removed me from all social platforms and ended our friendship.
When they broke up, he added me back, and we became friends again. Richie often sent mixed signals when he was single, with suggestive messages and actions. But, predictably, whenever he found a new girlfriend, he would cut me off completely, claiming I was jealous that he had someone and didn’t spend time with me.
I’m confused about why he leads me on when he’s single and then unfriends me when he finds a girlfriend. He’s in a relationship right now, but I’ve decided not to be his friend after his current relationship ends. Am I overthinking or just being jealous?
-- Confused or Jealous
Dear Confused or Jealous: It sounds like he’s the one who’s confused. He needs to accept a platonic friendship with you or commit to dating you, but it’s unfair to keep you around only when it’s convenient for him. Friendship should give you stability -- not whiplash. Cut him out.