DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are having an outdoor cocktail party. Since it is outdoors, would it be acceptable to have people enter through our yard gate instead of going through the house, then into the yard?
We will have people welcome guests as they walk up to the house and show them where to go. We will be using our guest house’s bathroom for the party, so there’s no reason for anyone to enter the main house.
I tend to be a very private person; I do not enjoy taking people on tours of my home, nor do I ask others to give me a tour of theirs. In the past, I have found people roaming through my house and trying to open various doors.
Would it be impolite to have people enter through the yard gate? Could you offer some wording if anyone asks for a tour?
GENTLE READER: You may have people enter your party from under the fence for all Miss Manners cares. Just declare the entrance clearly in your invitation: “Please enter through the yard gate.”
But having people direct your guests away from the house is a good idea, as are signs in case those people have to leave their posts. As for what to say when asked for a tour? “We are just enjoying the outdoors today.”
Or lock your doors. And then hope that it does not rain.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband just doesn’t understand why I do not wish to hang out with his new work friend and the friend’s wife. I have expressed my reasons and told him I could not tolerate them more than once a month.
He spends time doing projects with his new friend during the week, which is fine with me. But our relationship is starting to suffer because he wants to spend weekends with his friend, as well -- and the wife is there, and I do not want to be around her. She constantly talks down to her husband, using words that you probably won’t publish, such as “shut the f--- up,” “f--- you,” “a--hole,” “d---head” and more.
My husband says “that’s just her.” I told him that I wouldn’t want someone to talk to me like that, and I asked if he’d like for me to talk to him like that, to which he said no. He said it doesn’t bother his friend, to which I asked if he had actually asked his friend that question.
I had a bad childhood and do not want to be reminded of it by hanging out with this couple, but he still makes couple plans with them. It’s intolerable to me. What more can I say or do?
GENTLE READER: Fail to join in. You have made your case to your husband and he has ignored it. Miss Manners recommends that you outwardly plead other plans, work or not feeling up to it. If your husband insists on inviting them as a couple, then he will have to make your excuses and endure this woman’s bad behavior alone.
Here is hoping that she does not get comfortable enough to start roping him into the fun.