Dear Annie: My ex-husband is in bad health, and I expect he might pass away soon. We divorced over 20 years ago and ended on bad terms, so we haven’t communicated since. But we share two adult children who have maintained a relationship with him.
I’m struggling with whether or not I should attend his funeral when the time comes. Part of me feels like it would be respectful and supportive for our children if I were there. However, my current husband doesn’t think it’s necessary for me to go, given our past and the long time we’ve been apart.
What do you think would be the most appropriate and respectful course of action in this situation?
-- Unsure in Tennessee
Dear Unsure: When the time comes, talk to your children about their wishes and how they would feel about your presence at the funeral. This moment will be significant to them, so it’s important to know how you can best support them.
If you decide not to attend, sending flowers is a respectful gesture. You could also write a personal note to your children expressing your condolences and support.
Ultimately, the choice should reflect what feels right for you and your family. Whether or not you attend, showing you care is what truly matters.
Dear Annie: I’ve recently reconnected with my old high school friend, “Amy,” after losing touch for nearly a decade. We’ve started hanging out regularly, and it’s been wonderful catching up. But I’ve noticed that Amy often borrows money and never pays it back. She always has an excuse, like her paycheck being delayed or an unexpected expense popping up. I want to help her, but it’s starting to strain my own finances.
I’m torn because I don’t want to lose this rekindled friendship, but I also don’t want to feel taken advantage of. Should I continue lending her money, or is it time to set some boundaries? I’m not sure how to bring it up without making things awkward.
-- Conflicted in Ohio
Dear Conflicted in Ohio: It’s wonderful that you’ve reconnected with your old friend, but it’s important to set boundaries. Lending money can complicate friendships, especially if repayment isn’t happening as promised.
First, have an honest conversation with Amy. Let her know that while you value her friendship, you simply can’t afford to keep lending her money without being repaid.
If she’s truly in a financial bind, maybe you can offer to help her find resources or budget better. This shows you’re still there for her without compromising your own financial stability. If she resists, you might do well to lose touch with her all over again.