DEAR MISS MANNERS: Manners among theatergoers have been neglected, such that probably most offenders do not even know they are being inconsiderate.
The topics of cellphone use, texting, recording, photography, talking, eating, coughing, crackling candy wrappers and even hat wearing have all been covered. But the issue of leaning forward in one’s seat during a performance has been neglected. Theater seats and sight lines were developed with the understanding that patrons would sit with their backs against the seat backs. Leaning forward blocks the view of at least one person in the row behind, leading to a domino effect involving several rows.
The truly rude will always do as they like, but I believe there is a large group of perfectly polite, but unaware, theatergoers who would welcome enlightenment.
GENTLE READER: You are not wrong about its being inconsiderate to block another person’s view, and an apologetic whisper might help if it is only the row directly in front of you.
But when do we get to see the show? Theaters already post signs in the lobby telling us to mind our manners, print the same instructions in the program, and announce them before every performance.
Miss Manners often says that it is rude to correct another person’s manners. How much worse to scold someone who has not yet done anything wrong -- an adult, in fact, who has gone to some trouble in the hopes of enjoying an evening out!
If we keep adding to the list of potential theater crimes, she fears that the babysitter will not merely have gone home, but will have graduated from college by the time the show is over.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am cautious about COVID and still wear a mask in some settings.
I gave a ride to someone who does not vaccinate, wear a mask or practice social distancing. Due to those factors, and the fact that it was a small, enclosed space, I wore a mask while she was in my car.
She said, “Oh, geez, you don’t need to wear a mask.” She acted as though I was being ridiculous and also as though she was offended.
I told her it was not personal -- that I would do the same with anyone under the same circumstances. I do not make comments to others who behave differently than I do.
Was I rude? Should I be explaining or apologizing to people either beforehand or at the time in such situations?
GENTLE READER: No, you should not apologize to people who are bullying you -- while you are in the middle of doing them a favor.
Miss Manners is equally confident when she adds that neither should you bully them in return. She realizes that, given the seriousness of the topic, some will disagree -- even if she adds that nothing requires you to give a ride to a person acting in a way that you feel endangers your own safety.