DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I respond when people call me “the Bionic Woman”?
I have had my hips, knees and ankles replaced, and have had four back surgeries, all due to an orthopedic disease. I sometimes have braces on my hands to help me tolerate the pain.
I know they believe they are being humorous, but I feel like a freak of nature when I am introduced to someone as a fictional character. I am never sure what to say, so I clam up.
I would especially like to know what to say on physically painful days, when I am feeling bad already. I am sure others with much worse conditions probably hear comments that sting, too.
Also, one family member makes it a point to share all their fun activities that require physical strength, like hiking and gardening. I feel like it is saying to someone in a wheelchair, “Too bad you are missing out on all the enjoyment.”
GENTLE READER: Perhaps the “bionic” reference is intended to make your situation seem empowering. It is still inexcusable and not funny. As it is being repeated, you would be justified in saying, “Please retire that joke. I’m actually in pain.”
However, you would not be justified in censoring others’ talk about their own activities. Trust Miss Manners, it would hurt you more in the end to have everyone tiptoeing around you, afraid to refer to anything physical. Given that they do not sound like subtle people, they would forever be saying “On my morning run -- oh, I’m not supposed to say that, am I?”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you are involved in a friendly, random conversation with a stranger while traveling, what is a polite way to end it?
I am a friendly person, and I have no problem with the stranger sitting next to me striking up a conversation -- though I rarely initiate it. I’ve had some very interesting conversations in these circumstances, and on a couple of occasions, I’ve made a valuable contact or learned something new or useful.
But after several hours, any conversation gets old. So how do I politely say, “I’m finished talking now”? (I don’t enjoy napping, except for overnight flights, so that’s not an option.)
GENTLE READER: Time was when you had to bring a book in order to say, “Nice talking to you, but I’m going to catch up on my reading” or a briefcase for “... but I’d better get back to work.”
Now, Miss Manners notes, you have a device enabling you to say either one.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it right to be invited to a restaurant to celebrate someone’s birthday or special occasion, and the first thing out of the host’s mouth is “separate checks”? Even the host’s parents have to pay for their own meals!
GENTLE READER: Only if the birthday celebrant has already reimbursed the parents for all those childhood birthday parties they gave.