DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a private, parochial school near where I live. The tuition is expensive, and the school has a reputation for being an elitist club.
It has come to the community’s attention that this school is going to have to close unless they raise a large amount of money in a very short period of time. The local news reported that the principal has been fired for embezzling, and there are other rumored financial improprieties related to how the school recruits for its sports programs.
The parents at this school have established, and are aggressively promoting, a campaign to raise funds for it, citing it as an essential part of the fabric of our community that we need to keep open. I have been approached to donate, but I am not inclined to do so.
I see it as rich people begging the public on behalf of their private school, which they have horribly mismanaged. When asked, I stated that if the school is begging for money, officials should disclose its audited financial statements to potential donors and explain what the long-term plan is. (I wanted to add that the parents should get a cardboard sign and stand on the corner, but refrained.)
My inquiries about the financial details were met with an attitude of, “None of your business, just donate and don’t ask any questions.” Based on that and on the financial mismanagement, I’m not going to donate, despite being a very generous person.
Am I wrong to ask such questions when asked to donate to something? I just don’t appreciate a blanket raid on my wallet. Is it now common for people of means to seek financial assistance from those with less, offering no specific explanation?
I’m so very weary of the nonstop bombardment from numerous forms of fundraising these days. Donor fatigue is a real thing, and I’m growing increasingly crankier and more cynical each day.
GENTLE READER: Whew. Is it possible that you do not like this school? Or the parents whose children go there?
Why, then, are you querying them about a campaign to which you do not intend to contribute?
Miss Manners agrees that someone considering a donation should ask how it might solve the organization’s problems. The none-of-your-business reaction is not valid when coupled with a plea for assistance.
But as you are not considering donating, she gathers that you just see it as an opening to vent your dislike.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My granddaughter has asked me (her grandfather) to give her away at her upcoming wedding, as she is estranged from her father.
What should be my answer when asked by the wedding officiant, “Who gives this woman ...”?
GENTLE READER: The customary response is “I do,” with an emphasis on the “I.” Miss Manners promises that no one will think you have usurped the bridegroom’s response, as he should put the emphasis on “do.”