DEAR MISS MANNERS: A boy I knew in college, but was not close friends with, recently moved to my city, and we decided to meet to reconnect. He brought pastries and I served tea on my patio.
When I brought out my blue tea set, he made some off-putting remark about the situation not requiring me to “break out my best china.” The tone of it was rude, and I was made to feel small about making the casual event a little nicer.
I’m sure he did this defensively to indicate that we were not on a date. And also he’s kind of a jerk. But I could only respond with a baffled “Huh?” because I hadn’t “broken out” my best china.
I’m aware that most people do not have one, let alone two, sets of china, but I do, and I was using my less-nice set -- the, shall we say, ugly china that I didn’t care if he cracked. He was trying to shame me for doing something “extra,” when in fact I had not.
So how should I have responded? There is no polite way to tell someone that you did NOT break out your nice china for them.
GENTLE READER: There is when he sets you up like that. “Oh, don’t worry,” you might have said. “I know. This is not my good china.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are having a religious wedding ceremony followed by a reception at a private venue in which no alcohol is allowed. Though we are teetotalers, we recognize we do not have the right to impose our beliefs on others. Even so, we could not in good conscience provide alcohol for anyone.
We want to invite lots of friends who do drink alcohol, but I fear they may be disappointed (or not want to attend at all) if they discover that no alcohol will be served.
I will be sending out the wedding invitations soon. What would Miss Manners advise: Should I mention in the invitations that alcohol will not be served?
GENTLE READER: In what sense is it imposing your beliefs on others not to buy them alcohol? If Miss Manners fails to serve ice cream to those who love it, would she be interfering with their beliefs?
For that matter, is drinking a belief?
But she has a more relevant question: Why would you invite people to your wedding who would not care to attend unless they were drinking?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: When is it OK to pick up the bone from a rack of lamb to get at that last delicate morsel of meat?
GENTLE READER: At picnics, at intimate family dinners, and in the kitchen after the guests have left.