DEAR MISS MANNERS: When issuing both formal invitations, such as to a wedding or dinner, as well as informal invitations, such as asking a friend to attend a movie together on the weekend, often a response is not received despite an RSVP date being clear.
When I haven’t received a reply well past such a date, sometimes even sending a polite reminder, I assume it to be a no. However, I have had people ask me why I went ahead with the movie/dinner/other plans without them despite their lack of answer.
I cannot figure out the proper response to this, other than, “You didn’t say yes by the date I needed to know,” which I pair with an offer to get together another time (if the event had been something casual).
Yet I feel quite offended that someone would not value my time enough to answer at all, and then be upset with me when I did not cancel my event. This isn’t one or two offenders who do this regularly, but a behavior I have seen in a great variety of my acquaintances across age and locale, including many that I otherwise find to be kind, thoughtful people.
Please advise on the appropriate response.
GENTLE READER: “I didn’t hear from you, so I assumed you couldn’t attend.”
Miss Manners will give you extra points for not adding, “Duh.” As tempting as it may be.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s 10-year college reunion is coming up, and while it sounds like a lot of fun, there is a specific type of interaction I am dreading. He had a long-term college girlfriend, whom all his friends and acquaintances remember him with -- and unfortunately, she shares my name.
When we’ve run into people who knew my husband in that time of his life, more than once I’ve heard, “Oh, wow, couldn’t stay away from those Sarahs” or “He really likes the Beckys!” etc. I know they think it is funny, but I don’t.
Normally my husband just laughs it off and moves on, but is there something a bit more pointed he could say to let people know this is rude? I’d also like to feel like he is defending me a bit, without it ruining the good vibes of the reunion.
GENTLE READER: “I guess it was an omen. Glad I found the right Elaine.”
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an account on a business-oriented social media website. I set up the account for professional reasons; however, I rarely visit the site. I accepted invitations to connect without any vetting, and now have a couple thousand “connections.”
As a result, I now get a lot of unsolicited direct messages inviting me to connect and discuss the sender’s services. Even though they are sent to me directly, and often have some sort of personalized touch, do I have an obligation to respond?
I view unsolicited emails akin to unwanted marketing calls and tend to ignore them. What is proper?
GENTLE READER: You may politely ignore any correspondence that is clear solicitation. Since much of it may be automatically generated anyway, Miss Manners assures you that you will not hurt the robot’s feelings.