DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a junior in high school, and there is a boy in one of my classes who has feelings for me. I don’t feel the same way and have told him that.
We’ve been sending notes back and forth for the last three weeks, and now I realize that we have nothing in common. I like K-pop and J-pop (Korean and Japanese music) and he likes Metallica and other rock music. He keeps talking about his band and the music he makes, and I’m not interested in hearing that.
Yesterday, he gave me a note that was all about him and creating his band. At the end of the letter, he signed his name, then put, “P.S. How are you and did you listen to my song?”
I didn’t respond because I’m tired of dealing with him, and don’t want anything to do with him anymore. He sits behind me because he likes me, and I don’t want him behind me anymore. How should I handle it in a mature way? Just continue to ignore him?
GENTLE READER: It is an unfortunate truth that a gentleman in love will seize any opportunity to get attention from his paramour, even one who has expressly told him that she does not reciprocate his feelings.
Miss Manners suspects that is what is happening here — and that by your politely continuing to indulge the friendship, he is holding out hope of something more.
You have already told him your feelings, and he has chosen to press on. If there is any way that you can pick your seat after he chooses his, that would solve the immediate problem. Telling him (again) that you do not wish to lead him on should solve the more general one.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex-wife and I recently stretched to contribute a good deal of money to our daughter’s wedding. Is there any expectation that we should also give her a wedding present?
It never occurred to me, but my ex and I seem to be getting some shade from relatives who keep asking what we gave the happy couple as a gift. (By the way, none of this is coming from our daughter.)
I just say, “We gave them a wedding,” but now I have questions.
GENTLE READER: It is sadly easy to see why otherwise perfectly behaved wedding couples get coerced into greed.
Whether or not you got the couple a present is none of your relatives’ business. So it is not for their sake, but for your impeccably behaved daughter, that Miss Manners suggests that if you want to give the couple something, perhaps you or your ex-wife could offer a family heirloom or other sentimental item.
That it will quell the shade from your family is an added advantage — one that the rest of us know they do not deserve.