Dear Annie: I’m newly married and now live in close proximity to my in-laws. We get together frequently. I get along great with my mother-in-law. The problem I have is with my father-in-law. It’s his personal manners and actions. He frequently clears his throat, coughs, snorts in and out. It’s loud. He picks his ears and, yes, his nose. In front of anyone.
This happens wherever he is: at the dinner table or sitting with you on the porch. It grosses me out. It’s not just once or twice while we are together eating, but a constant stream of noises and picks. My MIL and my new husband appear not to notice. Or at least they don’t say anything. I feel it’s not my place to say anything to my FIL, but is there anything that can be done? Do people realize they act this way? He’s 72 years old and in good health.
-- Poor Personal Habits
Dear Poor Personal Habits: My guess is that your husband and mother-in-law have grown so accustomed to your father-in-law’s poor manners that they don’t even notice. As a newlywed couple, you are wise not to criticize your father-in-law right away. Instead, talk to your husband about it and see if he notices. Does your husband also have these types of behaviors?
More is caught than taught, so if he doesn’t, then maybe he either took after his mother, or his father’s behavior is new, in which case he might need to be evaluated for dementia or other ailments. In the meantime, when you are with them, if he starts acting gross, and, yes, picking your nose in front of people is simply gross, excuse yourself from the room.
Dear Annie: My son committed suicide by hanging himself three months ago; he was suffering from depression and on and off drugs. He got worse with the depression after his girlfriend of more than 11 years broke up with him.
My problem is that when I tell friends what happened, some of them say that “he took the easy way out.” I really don’t know what to say to these people. Any thoughts on how to answer them will be appreciated. I really miss him a lot.
-- Sad Mom
Dear Mom: I am so sorry for your loss. Your son felt that his pain was unbearable. Anyone who says he took the easy way out is being incredibly insensitive and not worth answering. I pray that you have grief groups and counselors to help you during this extremely difficult time.