DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely ask a colleague to stop monopolizing meeting time?
I’ve recently been surprised at the cluelessness of some colleagues, who will talk ad nauseam during meetings, offering little that is new or insightful. They chime in on every issue and talk for far too long. I once clocked a colleague’s monologue at 10 minutes without a break -- during a 50-minute meeting!
This seems to be a particular issue in remote meetings; I suspect that the lack of nonverbal cues in a physical space is the problem. The monopolizer ends up wasting the whole meeting with platitudes and commonalities, not actually contributing towards action items.
GENTLE READER: This is supposed to be a business meeting, not a social tea or a classroom. Miss Manners realizes that we are all colleagues these days, but who is in charge?
If that is you, then feel free to suggest -- another word that conveys more than its plain meaning -- that people keep their responses short and on-topic. If it is not, then suggest it to the person who is in charge before the meeting starts.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a neighbor in the apartment directly below mine who, during the 20 years I have lived here, has regularly complained about the various noises they hear from my apartment. Not once has X ever said anything to me that wasn’t a criticism about The Noise.
Do I have a pet? Do I exercise? Is there some machinery I am running?
No, to all of these. I am sure any noise isn’t from me: My apartment is fully carpeted, I remove my shoes when I come home, and I am scrupulous about playing TV and music at an appropriate level.
Still, I apologize and gently point out that in a large building such as ours, sometimes it is difficult to pinpoint the exact source of a sound. But it doesn’t seem to get through.
I dread running into this person. Can you suggest a reply that might better satisfy them?
GENTLE READER: After 20 years, you must know that your neighbor is oblivious to subtlety. Fortunately, you can make your point more clearly without being impolite.
“I’m so sorry there are noises bothering you,” you can say. “I can’t see how they could be coming from me, as my home is fully carpeted (etc.). Would it be worth checking if the noise is from an air vent or something similar? Is there anything I can do to help you locate the source?”
Miss Manners will understand if you omit the final offer in all the din.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What does one do with sprigs of mint that have been used as garnish in a beverage?
GENTLE READER: Do not put them in your hair, however great the temptation or strong the drink. If they cannot be left in place without trying to cling to your nose as you drink, Miss Manners suggests putting them on any available china or asking anyone with an interest in keeping the tablecloth clean for someplace to do so.