DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed a peculiar new phenomenon: people’s refusal to knock on the front door. When a tradesperson, or even a friend, arrives at my house, they will just text “I’m here” from their vehicle.
What is the proper response to this? I generally feel obliged to get up and come out to their car, which I do not appreciate.
Should I text back, “Proceed to the front door,” “Are you planning to knock on the door?” or “Shall I roll out the red carpet?”
GENTLE READER: It is unclear to Miss Manners if these people are planning to stay. “Wonderful. We’re here” -- accompanied by opening the door -- should suffice for a dinner guest.
The delivery person who does not want to get out of the car is unilaterally changing the rules, which generally assume delivery to the door. To those persons, Miss Manners would suggest you respond, “Thanks. Please just leave it at the front door.” Note the absence of sarcasm -- and thus, impoliteness -- in her responses.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an acquaintance who has had severe health problems in recent years and is now often housebound. I visit as often as I can, and take her out as her health permits.
She has developed a habit of creating group texts and sending out holiday greetings, photos and other nonessential communications. I don’t care to have my phone constantly pinging with inane graphics and people responding with thumbs-up and heart emojis, but I tolerate it because I know it makes her happy, and it’s her way of staying in touch when she can’t go out.
But then my friend sent out some photos that included me and my ex. The breakup was painful for me, and the pictures were a random and jarring intrusion, leaving me sad for the rest of the day. Is there a polite way to ask my friend not to send photos of my ex?
GENTLE READER: You rightly recognize that etiquette can tell us how to put a stop to objectionable behavior, but not how much one should tolerate it due to mitigating circumstances.
Ask your friend not, in future, to send photos of your ex. In deciding whether to soften the request, either by your tone or by folding it into a larger communication, the only circumstances Miss Manners recommends considering are how good your friend is at following your wishes.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single woman in my 50s. Many people I barely know ask why I am wearing a ring on my left hand when it’s clear I’m unmarried and without children.
My fiance passed away years ago, and it’s hard to talk about it. How do I deal with the gossips?
GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners understands that you wear the ring as a sign of respect for your fiance, you must concede that doing so is bound to cause confusion, even among those who are too polite to pry.
While she does not defend the nosy, the surest way to avoid being asked about the ring is to move it to another finger -- a change your fiance would no doubt have understood.