Dear Annie: My family is divided politically and religiously. A dominant larger group is cohesive in their views, and I’m polar opposite. A few are neutral. Because we live all over the country, we keep in touch via texting to share birthday greetings and family news.
The larger group sometimes shares political views over texting that I find offensive and troubling. I believe their views constitute idolatry and cult behavior and have asked them several times not to include me on these political messages. However, these texts still come my way occasionally.
It bothers me on many levels, because what started as an inclusive family text thread is being used to further divide our family. Several weeks ago, yet another political message came to the group text, and I hit the roof. I chastised the sender, reminding her yet again that I had repeatedly asked to not be part of these messages. A minute later, she wrote “So sorry” on the text thread, saying she accidentally used the wrong message group.
I found the “apology” disingenuous and inadequate. She, with backing from the core group, said I needed to respect other people’s opinions, accept her apology and move on. In the days that followed, I sent private messages to her and a smaller group whom I thought would understand, describing how these texts trigger feelings of isolation and exclusion.
She hasn’t reached out to me individually, and she must have thought that her group text apology was enough. I removed myself from the large family text thread to avoid it happening again.
Here’s the rub: I offered to host a family reunion in my town in a few months. Since at least three of us are on the outs, I’ve lost interest in hosting it, and frankly, I’m so worn down by them. Why do I try so hard to be accepted and included in this family? Was her apology enough? Should I cancel the reunion?
-- At a Stalemate
Dear Stalemate: We all know that politics and religion are the two topics best avoided at the dinner table. Maybe the same in this day and age goes for not discussing politics and religion during texts or Zoom family calls. At a minimum, it is best if the people who agree on political matters have their own text group, as political discussions have become so divisive today.
Don’t cancel your family reunion. Just spell out the ground rules in advance, such as no political arguments, and you will be surprised by how that feeling of being worn down will disappear. On the other hand, if there are objections, and some insist on having political arguments, then go ahead and cancel.