Work Advice: When an interviewer grills you on your personality

Q: I was interviewing for a promotion. I thought the interview was going well until one interviewer asked, “How would your best friend describe you?”

I was flummoxed. I don’t have a “best friend.” I thought of one person who is my closest friend, but they probably would not call me their “best” friend. I then wondered how that person would describe me. This was all in about five seconds. The next five seconds I spent wondering how I “should” respond because, really, how am I supposed to know what a best friend would say? I only know what I hope they would say. I felt flustered for the rest of the interview and didn’t get the promotion.

Is that a reasonable or fair interview question? Should the wording be revised, i.e., “How would your friends describe you?

A: Your interviewer’s question sounds to me like a cover version of the classic hit, “What would you say are your best qualities?” It’s encouraging you to hype yourself the way someone who loves and admires you would do, without fear of seeming boastful.

The “best friend” can be a purely hypothetical figure; no one’s going to demand a reference. But even a seemingly casual question like that can trip up a literal-minded candidate who is trying to give honest answers.

Situations like this one show how personality interviews, as opposed to skills-based interviews, require candidates to think on multiple levels at once. They have to figure out what the interviewers really want to know and what answer will give that information in the best possible light.

For example, thinking literally, my first impulse would be to reply that my best friends would say I’m hilarious for reasons that are inappropriate in a professional setting. But knowing what most employers value and want to hear, I would ideally settle on something equally true, but safer: that I’m loyal, reliable, a good problem-solver.

Is a question like this reasonable or fair? Sure, if they’re looking to fill the position with someone who is quick to anticipate and deliver an answer they like in a manner they’re accustomed to. Someone, in short, who thinks like them. But it could exclude candidates who are excellent performers but who come from a different culture, process things differently, or are just literal-minded.

If you happen to fall in one of those latter categories, it’s okay to seek clarification. If they’re going to judge you for not reading their minds, that’s not the kind of environment you want to work in. So be honest: “I’m having trouble answering that question. Can you ask it a different way, or give me an example of what you’re looking for?” Or reword the question yourself: “Are you asking what people tend to like about me?”

Incidentally, if this sort of communication stumble happens to you often, at work or in your personal life, it might be worth examining in greater detail with a counselor or career coach. Interview questions like the one you encountered are common, so you might as well come up with a strategy for responding to them.

Q: I lead a team of knowledge workers, and our function has us communicating live on a consistent basis. I have a direct report with a mild but noticeable stutter. What’s the best way to support them in the workplace?

A: A stutter may or may not be considered a disability requiring accommodation. Fortunately, you don’t sound like the kind of manager who needs the threat of an ADA lawsuit to be a decent human being.

The Job Accommodation Network, askjan.org, has a page dedicated entirely to supporting workers and job candidates who stutter.

According to JAN, the simplest, lowest-effort thing you can do is listen patiently when they speak. Focus on and respond to the content of what they’re saying, not how it comes out. Resist the urge to interrupt, finish sentences for them or put words in their mouth.

The next level is to ask what, if anything, they need to help them perform better. JAN mentions flexible scheduling around energy levels or speech-therapy sessions, as well as technological solutions, such as text-to-voice or fluency devices. Maybe they just need extra time to prepare before delivering presentations. The key is to ask and then follow their lead. You might consider it a kindness to take them off oral presentation duties, but you shouldn’t assume that’s what they want, especially if it means missing out on opportunities to move up.

You can also make yourself aware of the ableism and bias that stutterers, including our current president, face - including mockery and judgments about their intelligence, capability or honesty - and make sure those attitudes have no chance of thriving on your watch. Model patient, supportive, team-oriented behavior, and hold everyone to the same high standards while allowing room for accommodations that let them reach those standards.