Miss Manners: What’s the proper way to split a restaurant bill?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to handle paying a restaurant bill? Three met for dinner. Two of them had more expensive meals than the third.

When the check came, the third diner grabbed the check and pointed out the cost of my meal. Next came the calculator (embarrassing). At that point I looked at the bill and asked my husband if he would put more money down. Our dinners were more expensive.

I was getting annoyed and said, “What’s the difference if it’s $20 off? Who cares? We’ll get you next time.”

This is not a woman who needs the money. She mentioned her $80,000 car. She brought a half-empty bottle of wine, which she said was $100. She drank it and did not offer any. This person is my sister. What do I do?

GENTLE READER: Surprised though she was by the late arrival of your sister in the question, Miss Manners admits that does not materially affect her answer.

If the goal for an evening out cannot be conviviality, it should at least be to minimize hostility. Beyond that, the proper way to pay a dinner bill is for the parties to agree on what does, and what does not, matter.

This means either accommodating your sister -- by matching the contributions to the consumption -- or convincing her that it really will even up over time.

The latter is more easily accomplished if one omits questions like, “Who cares?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have one daughter, and she was never able to conceive a child. When we meet new people our age, they often ask how many grandchildren we have.

We usually reply “none” and explain that our daughter was unable to have children. That statement seems to leave the hearer in an awkward position on how to further respond. Do you have a suggestion on how we could eliminate the awkwardness on both sides?

GENTLE READER: Not by volunteering your daughter’s intimate medical history, certainly. “We don’t have any” would answer the question.

But Miss Manners realizes what you are really asking is how to stop people from asking. While she is happy to remind her readers that such a question can be hurtful, she asks you to remember that it is likely not intentionally so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an introvert and only go out when I want to do so. I feel that my time is my own, after retiring from a very demanding and responsible position where I was constantly working with other people to solve their problems.

So when people knock on my door, I simply do not want to be bothered. I’m just curious: Is there anything wrong with ignoring it? I only have one person who drops by.

GENTLE READER: Even young people in positions of little responsibility (other than to make trouble) have Miss Manners’ blessing not to answer their front door -- assuming, of course, it was not in response to a previously issued invitation, and that they refrain from making their presence too obvious by glaring through the curtains.