DEAR MISS MANNERS: Regardless of anyone’s feelings on the matter, the popularity of giving children unique or unusual names is continuing. So what is a reasonable person to do when the name as written is pronounced differently than phonetics would allow?
For example, I recently came across a “Courtneigh.” Reading this, it would be pronounced “Court-nay,” but when I did that, I was corrected and told it should be “Court-knee.”
I had one little girl the other day whose name was written “Mia,” which is not unusual. But when I called for Mia, an angry mother huffily informed me that her name is pronounced “Maya,” like the ancient civilization. There was another child with the seemingly normal name “Dominique.” Except this child was a boy, and I was told to pronounce his name “Dominic.”
I want to be welcoming to all, but how should I act when parents can’t seem to spell? My own name is uncommon, but at least pronounceable.
GENTLE READER: Your annoyance is nothing compared to what those children will have to go through. Having an unusual name means a lifetime of spelling and pronouncing it for other people.
Parents may have good reasons for conferring such names anyway -- honoring a person or a heritage, for example. Or the desire for something distinctive (although it is odd how often names that seemed unique turn out to be part of a fad).
Or perhaps they just can’t spell.
In any case, Miss Manners expects people to make a good-faith effort to learn how others want to be addressed. And she requires an equal good-faith effort from the bestowers and holders of these names when patiently explaining those preferences to others -- and ignoring mistakes that are not likely to be repeated.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a plus-sized lady. I eat healthy foods, I exercise and I take pretty good care of myself. Due to things beyond my control (a medical condition), I will always be plus-sized. Without the exercise and healthy lifestyle, I would be two or three times bigger than I am now.
Because I’m big, people seem to think it’s OK to comment on my size by saying things like, “You could probably lose some of that weight if you stopped eating bread,” or “You should start exercising. That weight would come right off if you did!” Sometimes they say things like, “At least you have a pretty face.”
A perfect stranger who was behind me in line at the checkout said, “You know, if you drink more water and do some walking, you will lose a ton of weight.” I said to her, “All I drink is water and green tea, and I walk for an hour every day.” She simply told me that I must not be walking fast enough.
What is a polite way to tell them they’re making false assumptions, overstepping boundaries, and that it’s really none of their business?
GENTLE READER: In more subtle times, there were expressions for dealing with outrageous intrusiveness. You would exclaim in a forceful voice, “I beg your pardon!” Or, in cases of crude intrusion, “How dare you?”
Nowadays, people tend to take such expressions literally, Miss Manners realizes. She can already hear them asking why they should apologize for someone else’s rudeness.
No, no, no. It was clearly understood to mean, “You had better beg MY pardon” or, more bluntly, “That is none of your business.”