Dear Annie: I’ve recently entered a dating relationship, and my parents have a renewed interest in talking with me about my dating life. My parents are happily married and have modeled what a great companionship is supposed to look like. I know that when they give me dating advice, they have my best interest in mind. But recently, this advice has felt a bit outdated and unconventional in today’s society.
They have advised that I date multiple people at once and have told me to never settle down with someone I’m not absolutely in love with. The way I see it, I’ve grown up in an age where getting to know people happens much quicker (because of technology) and where dating multiple people can lead to a lot of hurt and frustration if not handled with proper care.
How would you recommend approaching the generational differences in dating now versus dating in the past? I trust my parents and believe they give valid advice. However, I don’t see that this approach holds the same level of approval by today’s standards.
-- A Curious Perspective
Dear Curious Perspective: Today’s standards are what you want them to be. If you don’t want to follow your parents’ advice and you want to be monogamous in your dating relationship, then do that and see where it goes. If, on the other hand, you want to take your parents’ advice and date multiple people, my only caveat would be to be honest with the people you are dating. Tell them that you are not ready to be in a one-on-one relationship, and you can even cite your parents. The goal for you is to have a similar marriage to your parents, but you have to try to feel out what will work best for you.
Dear Annie: This is about “Getting Old and Going in Circles,” the woman who said she feels like a “mommy girlfriend” because her longtime partner puts her down and is making her feel powerless. In addition to the advice you gave her, she might consider seeking help from a local women’s shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233). She may also qualify for assistance from the state to help with living expenses.
Although he has not physically assaulted her, he is a verbal abuser and has worn her down to the point where she feels unable to live on her own. -- Help for Women
Dear Help for Women: Thank you for your sound suggestion.