Hi Elaine: I am a 30-year-old registered nurse. I am not married, I have no children and I am really trying not to feel like I am just running in place. For a long time I’ve told myself that my career was enough for me. That it brought me purpose, fed my soul, filled my cup, all that good stuff that you hear people say when they live a life that is fruitful and satisfying. And how could it not be? I am a registered nurse, a front line worker, a “covid hero.” I think that’s what they were calling us.
As I have come into my womanhood I have developed this belief that what you do for a living should reflect who you are as a person and the things that bring you joy. I love deep conversations, telling stories, listening to stories, giving my opinion, hearing other people’s opinions, doing impressions, telling jokes, connecting with people. I feel like I have so much more to offer others and myself.
What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with the reality that the profession or path they invested so much into is not what they want to do for the rest of their life? And how would one go about gaining the confidence to begin a new path that is completely different from any they have gone down before?
- Wondering
A: I don’t want to discount your desire to switch jobs - I am all about a good career pivot when life calls for it! But from your question, I wonder if the deeper issue here is your lack of fulfillment in life overall. Your job can’t and shouldn’t be your sole source of purpose or satisfaction. Just like a romantic relationship can’t satisfy all of any person’s needs and desires, your career should not be the only thing feeding your soul and filling your cup. So, while you explore other job opportunities, you’d also benefit from focusing on designing a more well-rounded life that isn’t too heavily career-focused.
I also want to remind you that not every talent is meant to be monetized, especially not all at once. You mentioned that you’ve “developed this belief that what you do for a living should in a way reflect who you are as a person and the things that bring you joy.” That may be true in part but fulfillment comes in many forms at different stages in your life. Putting so much pressure on your career to fulfill every part of you will leave you searching for more forever.
In terms of what you do next, the job possibilities are endless. But for any dream to work, you need to be able to name it and claim it with a well-defined plan. Judging from your question, it seems you may be lacking both at this stage. And that’s okay. But now is the time to start getting clear on how all of these innate qualities you’d like to engage more in your professional life come together in an actual job. Ideally one that pays well enough to maintain your current lifestyle.
Do you have a specific new career in mind that encompasses all of these underutilized parts of you? If there are a few different career paths you’re interested in exploring, could you shadow or pick up side gigs that interest you while keeping your day job? Find out what you want to do and start doing it - even if it means doing it for free in your spare time. This is the only way to know for sure if you love it enough to take the risk of pursuing it full-time.
If all you know is that where you currently are isn’t where you want to be forever, start by free-writing. How do you see yourself spending your days? What environment do you see yourself working in? How independent or collaborative do you want to be? Envision it as you write about it. Don’t put limits on yourself and stay open to what comes up. But also, spend some time writing down what is working in your current job, too. You may find ways to maximize the aspects that actually align with the parts of you that you want to activate.
On a more practical note: Identify what your transferrable skills are. What do you do every day and what experiences have you collected on the job - and in life - that can be parlayed into a different field that excites you more? Write it all down.
Start scheduling coffee dates and set up informational interviews to learn more about what it would take for you to break into these fields. Come prepared with specific questions that will help you be taken seriously. Leave each meeting with a list of action items, including at least one referral for your next informational interview. And don’t forget to follow up. Sometimes pursuing a new career path can feel like a job in itself. You have to keep showing up for yourself on this journey to get anywhere. Each step you take leads to the next.
For now, focus on all the ways you can bring more of these underutilized parts of you to the job you have. Can you maximize more of your gifts at work by changing your approach to your job? From the list of qualities you outlined, it seems you are a people person. Forgive my ignorance but isn’t nursing all about connecting with and serving people? What’s stopping you from being the most engaging, gregarious, funny nurse who cares enough to swap stories with patients to help make their days - and yours - a bit brighter?
Finally: Whoever told us that we only get to aspire to one career for our whole lives was living in a different world than the one we are all in now. There are plenty of employed people in this country considering a career change. You’re not alone. But if you remember nothing else from this column, remember this: Do not walk away from a steady job without a well-defined plan.
Elaine Welteroth writes the Ask Elaine advice column for The Washington Post. She is an award-winning journalist, a TV host, the former editor in chief of Teen Vogue and an author.