DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m often flummoxed by some people’s gall, but this situation, in my humble opinion, takes the cake. I’m sad to say it came from a dear friend living several states away.
Her college-age daughter, whom I have never met, is doing a semester abroad in a major European city. My friend posted on social media, asking all her friends (over 200 of them) to help celebrate the daughter’s birthday by sending her money electronically, along with a birthday greeting. This was to make the birthday “special” and keep her from feeling “homesick.” She included her daughter’s handle on this public forum.
Several people, including me, simply posted a birthday greeting comment on my friend’s page, while others commented that they had sent money to the daughter.
Let me stress that this is NOT a financially strapped family or deprived student. Quite the contrary; they live in an affluent community in a large metropolis. Seems like a tacky money grab for a privileged daughter.
I’m so sad to say that this bold request has clouded how I feel towards my friend. I could understand asking people to send a birthday greeting on the daughter’s account, but requesting money seemed a bit over the top to me. Am I off base?
GENTLE READER: Nothing cures homesickness like a newly fattened bank account.
Miss Manners agrees that it is unseemly for solvent people to beg. You were more than generous sending your well wishes -- and are understandably less enthusiastic about the friendship now.
If this girl is being taught that money will cheer her up on a birthday, a future graduation or wedding may make her downright lachrymose -- in order to continue cashing in.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I begin returning to the office more frequently, I’m increasingly being told “You look great” (or variations thereof) by co-workers and managers I’m seeing for the first time in months or even years.
Being told this doesn’t make me uncomfortable, nor does it stroke my ego. But where I get hung up is how to reply!
I don’t normally comment on others’ appearances, especially in the workplace. The thought of saying “You, too” makes me feel uneasy -- especially when the person is not the same gender as I am -- as it seems similar to telling them that I’m thinking about their appearance.
My automatic response ends up just being “Thanks.” (Of course, I don’t end it there; I’ll usually then ask about their life or work and try to catch up.)
For what it’s worth, when I’m in the other person’s shoes, I usually lead with something like, “How have you been?” or “What’s new?” as opposed to “You look good.” I don’t think people ever said this to me before the pandemic, so I don’t recall having this issue during Before Times.
So, are there good alternatives to “You too” or “Thanks” in this situation?
GENTLE READER: “Thank you. I feel good.” And then Miss Manners suggests you turn the subject to the more suitable greeting, “And how are you?”